Last night I quit Facebook. I'd felt for some time it wasn't doing me a lot of good being on there. Of late it has been a fuel for jealousy, resentment, and neediness. So I quit.
I've tried several times before to quit but I always went back, telling myself this time would be different. If it was, it wasn't hugely different. We're talking nuances at best! So the moral I'm taking from that is I really REALLY have to quit this time because I plainly don't have the will power not to fall back into bad habits.
So today I'm suffering the symptoms of cold turkey... but I will be firm... because it's for my own good! In tackling my need to be liked, I force myself to like myself rather than relying on others to meet my need. This will tackle all the symptoms I list above, which all stem from my inability.
Interestingly... and this is why I've decided to start up my blog again... one of my birthday presents was a book - Thank & Grow Rich by Pam Grout - which I started to read today to distract my mind from the Facebook cold turkey. I've read the first 65 pages already! I found such truth in those pages that I already feel it changing my outlook on life!
Since John died, I've become more and more of a grump! Particularly so this year! Like many others, I've found 2016 a greatly difficult year... and not just because of all the celebrity deaths! And I see little joy in the future, with Putin and Trump set to be the 2 most powerful men in the world! What message does that send out exactly?!!
On a slightly positive note, the shit 2016 has brought has prompted me to become more political than ever before and join The Green Party. Sadly, I find myself unable to become as involved as I would like because of my fear of going out at nights - especially to the bit of Birkenhead where The Green Party hold their meetings! And so this has become yet another excuse to berate myself and be miserable.
And this is partly why Thank & Grow Rich has been so powerful this morning! It speaks of all the feelings I'm going through and matches my beliefs about the world on so many scores but where it differs is that it says the best response is to live a life of gratitude which, in turn, will bring much needed happiness into the world (as well as myself).
Initially I thought "what the hell is there to be thankful about?!! And how can I be thankful when the world's going to shit?!!".
Helpfully, the book is designed as a month of lessons after which it promises my life will be changed and happiness shall be mine - a bold claim! So in a spirit of experimentation, I'm going to blog what happens. (There is a website where I can do this and share with others working through the book but I didn't want my findings to be influenced by others, so I shan't be visiting it).
The first lesson is split into 2 parts:
1. Admit something awesome is gonna happen... It already has! I started reading the book and blogging about it.
2. Share 3 blessings of your day each day - which must be different each day! ...I am blessed to share my life with Mia who is blessed with a spirit of love, beauty, and cuddliness; I am blessed to be able to listen to Classic FM which plays music which never fails to lift my spirits and bring me peace; I am blessed with a number of presents today acting as reminders of the generosity and consideration of my friends.
And that's where I'm leaving it today.