Sunday, 8 April 2012

Having Another Go

If I understand The Bible correctly, Easter Sunday is the day that Jesus resurrected from the grave and "lived again".
Having transitioned, I too have some inkling of what it's like to "live again" for I too have effectively had two lives - one living as a male and one living as a female.
However, in fairness, I don't think you have to be trans to have two chances at life - we all have two chances at life - and, in fact, our chances aren't limited to just two. There are very few things in life that we can't have more than one go at. More often than not, all it takes is the ability to recognise our mistake and the willingness to put it right.
However, that is not as easy to do as it is to write. Some people have great difficulty admitting that they've made a mistake. I guess they fear that if they appear flawed then they appear weak and open themselves up to the potential for abuse. Whereas, if they deny they are flawed then they appear strong and people won't be inclined to abuse them.
I think differently. I recognise that all humans are flawed - we all fuck up from time to time! Thus, someone who refuses to recognise their flaws, doesn't so much as appear tough and strong to me as inhuman.
I also think that, if we deny our mistakes, then we continue to live with those mistakes, (after all, it's impossible to rectify a mistake if we don't recognise that a mistake has been made!), and, if we continue to live with those mistakes, the impact of that mistake will become larger and larger until it becomes debilitating.
That was certainly the case when I lived "in the closet". I found life incredibly debilitating! Having to deny who I was meant that I had to effectively imprison myself for fear of letting myself live freely and thus expose myself to the potential for abuse.
And that is what I believe these people who wish to appear flawless are doing - they are effectively imprisoning themselves within their own mistakes! And I can say from experience that that is no way for anyone to live.
Another way our mistakes can imprison us is being afraid to make them - we can be over-cautious to the point of doing nothing! But, as I said above, there's very few things in life we can't have more than one go at, so we really shouldn't be afraid of getting it wrong. And, besides, practice makes perfect, right?
For example, when I burned my arm in the oven, it didn't put me off baking for the rest of my life! I just learned to do it a different way in future! (i.e. keeping my arms well away from the sides of the oven!)
And I think we should take that attitude into every aspect of our lives - just cos we got burned the first time shouldn't dissuade from us doing it ever again... only to try doing it differently!