Saturday, 31 December 2016

Best of 2016

Just in case anyone cares, here's my favourites of 2016...

Best Albums
1. David Bowie - ★
2. Jack Garratt - Phase / Michael Kiwanuka - Love & Hate
3. Alicia Keys - Here

Best Films
1. Home
2. Deadpool
3. Doctor Strange

Best TV
1. Making A Murderer
2. Gotham
3. Mr Robot

Best Places
1. Liverpool (as if it could be anywhere else!)
2. London
3. Glasgow

Most Inspiring Person
1. Pam Grout
2. Gurpreet Kaur Cheema
3. Sophie Labelle

Best Politicians
1. Donald Trump
2. Angela Eagle / Owen Smith
3. David Cameron / Boris Johnson / Nigel Farage / Theresa May
...only joking! ;o)

Best Celebrity Deaths (its been that kind of year!)
1. David Cameron's career
2. Donald Trump (well, there's 4 hours yet as I type... one can but hope!)
3. Everybody else (well done, folks! You excelled yourselves!)

Please note that there are lots of things that you may think are much better that I haven't experienced (e.g. Game Of Thrones). So don't moan - tell me what you think's better!

New Year's Eve 2016

1. I am blessed with really good skin that makes me look youthful :)
2. I am blessed that I managed to get my letterbox fixed. My door is too thin, meaning you can pull the letterbox 1 cm each way but at least you can't pull it out completely!
3. I was blessed to meet up, by chance, with Pauline in Southport this afternoon. She was as lovely as ever and was able to advise me about my letterbox. We also ate out at a lovely Italian restaurant we found. :)

Friday, 30 December 2016

30th December 2016

1. I am blessed to live so near to B&Q, meaning it was quick n easy to get a replacement letterbox as my other one has broken. Unfortunately, fitting it hasn't been so easy but I have been able to do a temporary job to keep the draft out.
2. I am blessed that my boiler passed its yearly inspection with flying colours and not cause me any expense.
3. I am blessed that Suzy told me today that her NYE party has been cancelled due to illness - it's given me time to think of alternate plans.

Thursday, 29 December 2016

29th December 2016

1. We had a hard frost overnight, meaning I was blessed with a lovely wintry scene this morning as I defrosted my car. :)
2. I am blessed with enough patience not to re-enact scenes from Falling Down when irritated by the drivers who seem to think driving a car is an excuse to be a nuisance!
3. I was blessed to hear several Radio 4 comedy programs (including David Sedaris and Count Arthur Strong) this evening. Jollied me up no end it did! :)

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

28th December 2016

I'm only on the 4th day of this but already I find my outlook on life changing and my mood becoming more positive :)...
1. I was blessed to be able to watch a documentary called 13th on Netflix today. Whilst I think the problem is more complex than portrayed, it did bring to light problems I (and society at large) are mostly ignoring and, no, I don't believe they are problems confined to the USA!
2. I was blessed to find the train I was gonna take to Neston cancelled, prompting me to drive there instead - meaning I had the spectacular views of the freezing fog on the way there and then of all the Christmas lights in the villages on the way back. :)
3. Considering how lonely I get, I am blessed to share a planet with the rest of humanity. Some of them are a lot nicer than others but they do provide me with the human interaction I need - which can be especially delightful with the nicer ones. :)

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

27th December 2016

Still doing my exclamation that the day is gonna be amazing but I doubt I will have anything more to say about it, so, going forward, just take it as read that I've done it.
1. I'm blessed to be able to afford somewhere warm and dry to live.
2. It was a blessing to be able to have a relaxing day when I feel so tired (I didn't sleep very well).
3. I am blessed to be able to hear so many great programs on the BBC. I've found them really informative and sometimes inspiring too. :)

Monday, 26 December 2016

Boxing Day 2016

1. Admit something awesome is gonna happen: I started the day by exclaiming "today is gonna be amazing!". It immediately lightened my mood. :)
2. My 3 blessings: having a hot shower was my first blessing of the day. My second blessing was having understanding and accommodating friends who didn't insist I carry on or make me feel bad when I wimped out 2 minutes into our walk to Hilbre Island. My third blessing was the M&S oriental party snacks I had for my tea. Not exactly nutritious but definitely yum! :)

Sunday, 25 December 2016

Christmas Day 2016

I'm baaaaaack!
Last night I quit Facebook. I'd felt for some time it wasn't doing me a lot of good being on there. Of late it has been a fuel for jealousy, resentment, and neediness. So I quit. 
I've tried several times before to quit but I always went back, telling myself this time would be different. If it was, it wasn't hugely different. We're talking nuances at best! So the moral I'm taking from that is I really REALLY have to quit this time because I plainly don't have the will power not to fall back into bad habits.
So today I'm suffering the symptoms of cold turkey... but I will be firm... because it's for my own good! In tackling my need to be liked, I force myself to like myself rather than relying on others to meet my need. This will tackle all the symptoms I list above, which all stem from my inability.
Interestingly... and this is why I've decided to start up my blog again... one of my birthday presents was a book - Thank & Grow Rich by Pam Grout - which I started to read today to distract my mind from the Facebook cold turkey. I've read the first 65 pages already! I found such truth in those pages that I already feel it changing my outlook on life!
Since John died, I've become more and more of a grump! Particularly so this year! Like many others, I've found 2016 a greatly difficult year... and not just because of all the celebrity deaths! And I see little joy in the future, with Putin and Trump set to be the 2 most powerful men in the world! What message does that send out exactly?!! 
On a slightly positive note, the shit 2016 has brought has prompted me to become more political than ever before and join The Green Party. Sadly, I find myself unable to become as involved as I would like because of my fear of going out at nights - especially to the bit of Birkenhead where The Green Party hold their meetings! And so this has become yet another excuse to berate myself and be miserable.
And this is partly why Thank & Grow Rich has been so powerful this morning! It speaks of all the feelings I'm going through and matches my beliefs about the world on so many scores but where it differs is that it says the best response is to live a life of gratitude which, in turn, will bring much needed happiness into the world (as well as myself). 
Initially I thought "what the hell is there to be thankful about?!! And how can I be thankful when the world's going to shit?!!". 
Helpfully, the book is designed as a month of lessons after which it promises my life will be changed and happiness shall be mine - a bold claim! So in a spirit of experimentation, I'm going to blog what happens. (There is a website where I can do this and share with others working through the book but I didn't want my findings to be influenced by others, so I shan't be visiting it).
The first lesson is split into 2 parts:
1. Admit something awesome is gonna happen... It already has! I started reading the book and blogging about it.
2. Share 3 blessings of your day each day - which must be different each day! ...I am blessed to share my life with Mia who is blessed with a spirit of love, beauty, and cuddliness; I am blessed to be able to listen to Classic FM which plays music which never fails to lift my spirits and bring me peace; I am blessed with a number of presents today acting as reminders of the generosity and consideration of my friends.
And that's where I'm leaving it today. 

Friday, 17 June 2016

17th June 2016

Mia: I had a discussion with Mia just before I came to bed because she's impossible to fathom sometimes. I told her she's to give me more of a clue what she likes - other than food! I don't expect it'll work though!
Life: the prospect of what's required for my BA got me down this morning but, with a little help from my friends, I was feeling a bit more positive by the evening. I even have my topic for my 5000 word essay - the genderification of products. I actually feel quite excited about it! :) I also completed my latest canvas today and I'm well chuffed with it! :) So today's been quite positive really all in all. :)
One Thing: having friends who have my back and will lend a helping hand without me even asking has made all the difference today. I am privileged to know them. :)

Thursday, 16 June 2016

16th June 2016

Mia: Mia was a cheeky little thing just before I came to bed! As I was painting my latest canvas in the spare bedroom, she opened my bedroom door and went inside! She's never done that before! Perhaps she thought I'd taken the spare bed - where she usually sleeps - for the night and so it was fair enough for her to pinch my bed! :D
Life: my windowcleaner is a dodgy fucker! He rang the doorbell today to ask me to open the side gate... which makes me wonder how he gets his ladder around the back when I'm not there! More than likely, he doesn't bother and has been ripping me off for a job half done! Or not at all even! This afternoon I went to the cinema again to watch the football. Again, it looked like we were gonna fuck up a match we should've won comfortably but luck was on our side tonight! I'm shocked and saddened by the murder of Jo Cox MP today. According to the news it was a Britain First nut which shows where that kind of mentality leads to! If the government's serious about cracking down on extremism, it's about time it banned groups like them and the BNP! As I said at the start, I was doing more painting today. I'm almost done on it and it's my favourite one so far! I'm really happy with my progress as a portrait painter! :)
One Thing: I'm choosing England winning the football today. It's not often you get joy as an England fan, so you've gotta appreciate it when it happens!

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

15th June 2016

Mia: Mia was finally back on form today! She was cuddly and loving and fun to be with! :) I wonder if female cats have menstrual cycles??
Life: I worked some more on my latest painting today. I'm reasonably happy with the way it's going so far. :) I also visited the doctor today as I'd been asked to come in for a "non-emergency appointment". It was just a catch-up from being discharged from CX GIC... in January! Whilst I was in the surgery, a thunder storm came overhead so I ended up having to paddle my way to the bus stop! The roof of the bus was leaking too so that added to the 'fun'! Before coming to bed, I checked my emails and found one from college with my research task for the summer - prepare for a 5000 word in-depth analytical study! The key phrase in the email I feel was "it helps if you're passionate about something". Add this to the response I got, when I moaned about it on Facebook, that 'I can do anything I set my mind to', I'm already beginning to understand the key to tackling this BA.
One Thing: I'm choosing my time with Mia today. I love her to death! <3 :)

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

14th June 2016

Advanced warning: I am pissed!
Mia: hardly saw anything of Mia today because I left the house at 10.30am and didn't get black until 12 hours later. However, I do remember disturbing her on her bed when I was doing my latest painting. She also wanted food when I got in but there was no way I was feeding her at that time of night! So she's probably gone to bed now cursing me under her breath!
Life: so, inspired by the Pulse murders and a guy I saw on the bus yesterday, I have started painting a new portrait. So far I have got as far as the background which is blue and green but I had to let it dry before starting on the rest. That's when I saw a meme on Facebook from the Dalai Lama telling me to visit somewhere I'd never been before but I also knew I was meeting up with friends at Liverpool Tate at 3pm, so I had to think where I could get to there and back in time... and decided on Warrington. So I sent my friend, Ali, a text to see if she was available as she lives in the area and, sure enough, she was. So we met up for lunch and I was treated to a panini and hot beverage before she gave me a whistle stop tour of Warrington in the half hour I had left to get my train (I own it, you know!) back to Liverpool. Once back in Liverpool, I walked down from the station to the Tate and met up with Hilary and Patricia (but Shirliegh was a no show - I hope she's OK) and we had a look around the Francis Bacon exhibition and also a woman artist I can't remember the name of, which is a shame because I prefer her work to his! After that, we wandered upto Mowgli in the pouring rain (poor Patricia got soaked through!) for tea and then around to a pub for their gin promotion they had on... except they were closed to the public because they were filming an advert for a lager I can't remember the name of! So we wandered back to The Black Labradoodle (not its real name but it'll do for now!) where we supped gin cocktails and I got quietly pissed! And after that I had to find my way back to the bus and get home again which is all a blur now! But I'm very very happy! :)
One Thing: I've had a lovely day seeing my friends. I could pinch myself sometimes how my life has blossomed since I moved to Wirral! I am so blessed and I love them all! <3 :)

Monday, 13 June 2016

13th June 2016

It starts with religious text. It starts with feeling that we are weird. It starts with making jokes about us and mocking us. It starts with feeling that we are against nature. It progresses to lies and hatred against us. It progresses to enacting laws against us. It progresses to removing our rights. It progresses to violence against us. It ends with murdering us... and running through it all is the desire for us to not exist alongside them.
But they misunderstand one thing - we always have, and we always will, exist alongside them. There is nothing - NOTHING - they can do to eradicate us! They can only make us hide. 
So I say NOW is the time to come out. NOW is the time to make ourselves known. NOW is the time to show our strength of number. For this war against us will continue for as long as WE stand back and allow it to. History belongs to them but NOW is our opportunity to claim the FUTURE.
Mia: from 5.30 this morning, Mia was very persistent in getting me out of bed. I did well though and resisted until 7.30am. :)
Life: I had a lazy morning but then went into Liverpool for my volunteering stint at WHISC. Afterwards, I went to St George's Hall for the vigil for the 100+ LGBTQI victims of the shooting at Pulse in Orlando (See comments above). 
One Thing: it was a bitter sweet feeling to see so many of us come together (with half a day's notice) at the vigil tonight. I wish so many people hadn't needed to suffer to make it happen though. :(

Sunday, 12 June 2016

12th June 2016

Mia: Mia continues to be adorable. It doesn't matter if she's being aloof, naughty or whatever - she is always adorable... even at 5 in the morning! That's called unconditional love, folks!
Life: another lazy day. The biggest exertion was doing the hoovering - which Mia hates! I also did some 'ink doodlings'. Otherwise, it's been a day of watching More4 and Netflix.
One Thing: I'm choosing playing with inks today. It pleasantly whiled away an hour. :)

Saturday, 11 June 2016

11th June 2016

Mia: Mia was in a more affectionate mood today. Not like she has been but not as cold/temperamental as she has been this last week or so.
Life: this morning I did the weekly shop. Then I had a lazy day until this evening when I went to the cinema to watch England in the Euros. People used to talk about Spain as underachievers but, seriously, there can't be a more consistent bunch of underachievers than England! We should've won that match 3 or 4 nil! Instead we get a 1-1 draw! Plus ca change! :(
One Thing: I'm choosing watching an exciting football match on the big screen at the cinema in comfy seats but I am most definitely not choosing the result!

Friday, 10 June 2016

10th June 2016

Mia: had some fun this evening playing with Mia but she was really getting wild chasing the 'fish on a stick'! She's looking jolly tubby too!
College: I met up with Patricia at college to collect our stuff. I left some of my stuff there as I no longer wanted it but, even still, I could barely lift my portfolio! Then we went to somewhere in Liverpool - I haven't a clue where! - for lunch. It was a very nice restaurant with very nice food but the skies opened and the place started to flood! Patricia said they'd only just redecorated too! I recommend they look at their flood defences next time!
Life: I took my car in for its MOT today and it passed first time, so that was a relief! After I'd picked it up and got home again, i didn't feel like having much tea after lunch, so I just had some cake. This evening was the start of Euro 2016 but, of course, I don't have a telly, so I've listened to it on 5 Live. It sounded like an excellent match and, apparently, there was an excellent goal but I'll have to wait till tomorrow now to see it. :( Still I'd rather that than pay the licence fee or get fined!
One Thing: having my car pass it's MOT first time was a great relief! I was dreading it being expensive! Now all I want to do is sell it...

Thursday, 9 June 2016

9th June 2016

Mia: still no cuddles from Mia but she was letting me stroke her, so that's some improvement I suppose. I couldn't get her interested in play either. Maybe it's just too much effort in the heat??
Life: today I went over to Wirral Met and met up with the course leader of the BA Fine Art course to have a look around and see some of the students' work. I was disappointed by the tutor's gaps in knowledge of art and design and the fact there's no ceramics teacher. Plus I'm not sure I want to spend three years in what is essentially a warehouse with no window. So I have stopped toying with the idea of doing a BA in Fine Art at the only college in the area I could afford. Instead, this evening I have looked into evening classes in ceramics and have requested info. However, I couldn't help feeling a bit down that things haven't turned out as I hoped and so I got out my colouring book to take my mind off things. And that has essentially been my day.
One Thing: I'm glad I went and had a look at Wirral Met. If I hadn't, I would always have been wondering "what if?" but now I know me and Wirral Met are not a good fit.

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

8th June 2016

Mia: not getting much in the way of affection from Mia at the moment - I'm just the person who feeds her. She's still clingy - hardly straying more than 6ft away from me - but she isn't letting me stroke her for whatever reason.
Life: it was a lazy morning but after lunch I went and got my decapeptyl jab which as always (warning: tired old joke coming...) was a total pain in the arse! (I did warn you) This evening I went to BLS to support the Circle. Wasn't anything too taxing - just greeting people and offering them a drink. This evening the fog horns of the ships down at New Brighton have been sounding, so they must be jolly loud if I can hear them all the way over here!
One Thing: I'm choosing having a lazy day without going doolally. Such a thing would've been unimaginable even just a year ago!

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

7th June 2016

Mia: another day when Mia elected to stay indoors instead of getting a suntan! I honestly don't understand her sometimes! :) She got fish for tea but wasn't a bit grateful for it. Instead she seemed to be in a mood tonight and wanted to be left alone.
College: so today I found out my results for my work these last 9 months. Oddly enough, my concepts weren't mentioned which I thought was by far my weakest area but I was told that I still need to believe in myself more and stop seeking approval plus my best work is when I put my heart into it and express my feelings. Which in itself was validation - unsought - that I should concentrate on expressing what I want to say (which can be summed up as "fuck off!") and how I want to say it. It's also been fabulous seeing everyone talking about their results on Facebook and congratulating each other. I think we've all done ourselves proud. :)
Life: I met up with Hilary for mocha and cake this morning and then we went to college to see the show. After that, we had a brief lunch in the college cafe before getting bus into town where we wandered around the shops for a bit. Again the weather was spoiling us so it was lovely and Hilary is great company. :) This evening I did a bit more arty stuff and generally lazed. It's too hot to do anything requiring effort!
One Thing: definitely the buzz on Facebook with everyone sharing their results and congratulating each other. It was lovely! :)

Monday, 6 June 2016

6th June 2016

Mia: you'd think, in weather like this, Mia would be out getting herself a suntan. But no! She spends all day indoors waiting for me to feed her!
College: I went into college for my 'departing interview' but, when I got there, I found today's date scribbled out and tomorrow's date written in! So much for notification! Just as well, I can make it tomorrow!
Life: this morning I arranged my MOT for Friday, and tried to get TalkTalk to sort my phone out but they were a total waste of time! So much so I'm looking at ditching them and going back to PlusNet! This afternoon I went to WHISC for my volunteering stint. Today I sorted out their website banners and page tabs. The weather was ridiculously hot this afternoon - which made the trip home on the bus almost unbearable! :(
One Thing: the thing I'm choosing today is my friends Clare and Aileen making the effort to go all the way out to Bootle to see our end of term show. It's lovely that they think so much of our work that they made the effort. :)

Friday, 3 June 2016

3rd June 2016

Mia: poor Mia was cross with me this evening. I don't blame her. I've hardly looked in on her these last 48 hours. :( I also bumped into my neighbour who said Mia has gotten into the habit of visiting her and bullying her cat. I apologised but she said it was fine and that her cat was a wimp anyway!
Life: I snoozed until 3pm and then walked into town to take advantage of Donut Day. I had two ring donuts. I then caught the bus to Liverpool, had a quick wander around Liverpool One, and a drink in Waterstones before wandering up to the bombed out church where I met Alison and her friend; and Patricia came to pick us up to take us to Give on the outskirts of Liverpool. From the outside, you wouldn't recognise it was a restaurant - it looks like your standard retail park outlet, but the food was fantastic! It's all veggie/vegan and they give a free meal to the homeless for every meal you buy. It was a treat to not have to scour the menu for the veggie options and so we tried a load of different stuff and there was a lot of sharing going on so we could all taste how brilliant it all was! I ordered Indian spiced tofu goujons and they were so delicious! And no more expensive than you'd pay at any other restaurant that WEREN'T giving a free meal to the homeless! It also has an adjoining grocery shop where you can buy the same stuff on the menu, so I bought some 'mock duck' which was delicious the bit of Clare's that I tried! :) The place is an absolute god send for veggies and I'm gonna have to work out how to get there on the bus because I definitely want to go back! :) The meal was organised by Clare to introduce us to her two American friends. So I have now met 2 Americans and they were very friendly, nice, people! :)
One Thing: I'm choosing Give restaurant today. As said, it is an absolute God send for veggies! Long may it succeed! :)

2nd June 2016

written 2pm ish on 3rd June...
Mia: considering Mia ended up having a very late breakfast at 11am this morning (3/6/16), she is a very forgiving creature. It almost makes me want to forget all about the 5am starts she insists upon every morning!
Life: I met Hilary at Patisserie Valerie at 10am and, after cake and coffee, we went to Liverpool Hope Uni for their Fine Art & Design Degree show. There was a lot of stuff there that I liked and I thought it was a very positive and promising show :) however, there was nothing there that I thought was vastly better than what I can do, which was very encouraging. :) Afterwards, we walked across Liverpool in gorgeous sunshine to see the Merseyside Embroiderer's Guild at the Anglican cathedral. The lighting wasn't great so it wasn't easy to see the colours but I liked what I saw and thought there were some very impressive pieces there :) After that, we walked into town before going our separate ways and I returned home, fed Mia and then got the bus to college.
College: Our end of year show started today (2/6/13) and it was our private view for friends and family between 5-8pm. I had a bit of a wander around before the throng arrived and was very impressed by what I saw. I think it was easily the equal of the stuff at Liverpool Hope. However, unlike the art at Hope, I was intimidated by the BA Graphics stuff. It was incredibly professional and so the gauntlet has been thrown - can I be their equal? Am I ready for that challenge? Or am I gonna quit whilst I'm ahead? Tune in this time next year for the result! After the show, a bunch of us went into town for a meal and a bit of a celebration. We are at a place I'd never heard of before - Amalia I think it's called - and the cheese pizza I got was huge! If we weren't wandering around afterwards, I'd have got myself a doggybag! But we were on the town, so I didn't. I don't know the places we went to but I do know that the music was too loud, the alcohol went down far too easy, and I was having a lot of fun! :) So instead of getting the last bus home at midnight, I stayed out with the girls. It was gonna be our last time together and so I really didn't want to curtail it! So I ended up crashing on Patricia's sofa at 3am this morning (3/6/16). At about 9am, Patricia's daughter gave me a lift to the station and I got back home at 11am and have been in bed since I got in. 
One Thing: there is so much to choose from yesterday but the one thing I'm gonna have to pick is being chosen as 'best in show' for our course and how lovely everyone's been about it. :) I am struggling, though. I am finding it so hard to accept I'm as good as people say I am! I just keep crying  every time I try to let it sink in. And it's not even fair anyway! Everyone's work was amazing! I've not had to work that hard since Christmas because my skill set was already there. Whereas others have come on leaps and bounds, really pushed themselves - even through illness in some cases - and really produced the goods! So I really don't think it fair to say I'm 'best in show' because I'm not (no matter what the certificate says!)

Wednesday, 1 June 2016

1st June 2016

Mia: Mia can be a contrary madam sometimes! Last week she lapped up her milk with delight. This week she's turned her nose up at it! That's good food and money she's wasted! :(
College: so it was back to college today. I got there for the usual start time only to be told to go away until lunch time. I had some stuff I wanted to do in the library so I went and did that but it didn't take anywhere as long as I thought it would. So I caught the bus into town just to waste some time. I tried out the Italian Club Bakery that'd newly opened. It was rubbish! The coffee and eclair were tasteless and they charged £5 for the privilege! I also wandered into Resurrection as I was tempted by the sign saying 'vintage clothes £5' and ended up buying a shirt for tomorrow. The assistant was rude though and clearly thought I shouldn't be buying a bloke's shirt! It brought back memories but obviously the shoe was on the other foot then. Society doesn't half have some stupid rules/attitudes! After that, I went back into college, carried my easel across the road to our exhibition space and then helped Patricia put her easel together and carry that across the road. Quite an enjoyable day at college all in all. :) and then I left my shirt at college! :(
Life: this evening my ex-work colleague Ian, who is helping me look after my garden, came to give me an appraisal of what needs doing this summer. Nothing major - mostly because he sorted it out for me last year! :) the rest of the evening was spent watching catch-up telly and Netflix.
One Thing: the thing I'm choosing today is seeing my work on display. It's an insufficient representation of the work I've done these last 9 months but it still looked great! :)

Tuesday, 31 May 2016

31st May 2016

Mia: Mia's done her own thing today. The only thing she wanted from me was food. Swings and roundabouts.
Life: today I met up with Hilary and, with my Meerkat Movies code, we went to see Alice Through The Looking Glass at the cinema. It was great visually but it didn't delight me as much as the first one. Afterwards, we went to Caffe Cream for ice cream and then a walk along the front in the sunshine. :) After that, we went our separate ways and I went and got myself a new toaster from Morrisons. It was only £12 so I'm hoping it'll be trustworthy and not just some cheap knock-off! For tea I had a sausage and egg sandwich as I wasn't all that hungry - hard life being a vegetarian! This evening I have watched the Channel 4 Comedy Gala. It was very good with a lot of the comedians surprising me with how funny they are. Not least Lee Nelson, who I always thought was a bit of a tosser! But he was very good in this and had me creasing over! :)
One Thing: it's always good to meet up with friends and today was no exception. I much enjoyed my few hours with Hilary. :)

Monday, 30 May 2016

30th May 2016

Mia: Mia was in an incredibly lovable mood this afternoon. Was just lapping up the stroking and sweet words! She normally gets bored of the attention after 5 minutes! But not today! :)
Life: I have finished off my self-portrait this evening. I'm really happy with it :) Otherwise, it's been a pretty lazy day watching crappy films and setting my toaster on fire! Typical Bank Holiday Monday really! Oh, and I also did a few bits on the Intrust website.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is life with Mia. It might be getting beyond the point of repetition but she is the best thing in my life, no contest! And never fails to make each day special by her presence :)

Sunday, 29 May 2016

29th May 2016

Mia: played with Mia loads today. Her reflexes are getting better too so it might be any day now she catches me another 'present'! :k
Life: there was a marathon in Liverpool today which had a dramatic effect on the traffic! I reckon my bus must've been at least 35 mins late by the time it got to Liverpool! I was going into town for the monthly LGBT writing group. I read out two of my poems and they were both received far better than I expected. :) I had cheesy chippy chips omelette for tea. Yum! :) This evening I have watched back to back episodes of No Offence. It got me gripped so I couldn't stop watching! It's written by Paul Abbott who did Shameless. :) just before bed I did a bit more on my current canvas. I don't know how to proceed with it really, so I'm just dabbling until it comes together.
One Thing: playing with Mia has been the highlight of my day. She is my world and I love her to pieces! :)

Saturday, 28 May 2016

28th May 2016

Mia: Mia just gave me such a scare! I came out the computer room to find her spragged out at the top of the stairs and she didn't move as I moved nearer, so I thought for all the world she was dead! :(
Life: first thing this morning, I discovered a lump in my foot. My foot has been quite painful to walk on these last 2 days so I had a bit of a look at it and discovered the lump. So I will have to get that checked out on Tuesday if it's not gone by then. Later on, I walked into Liscard to get my glasses adjusted as one of the arms had come loose. I then caught the bus to Liverpool where I walked up to FACT to look at the exhibitions they have on now: The Simplicity of Truth didn't do much for me but Unfold by Ryoichi Kurukowa was very impressive! It's one of the few art exhibitions I was loathe to leave! However, my belly was rumbling so I went over to Tesco and then came back to experience it again. I then went to Liverpool central library out of curiosity and discovered the audio books are free! So I took our Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing and Milton's Paradise Lost. This evening I did some colouring whilst listening to Much Ado About Nothing... plus other stuff I can't remember.
One Thing: I'm choosing Unfold today. It's not for the faint of heart but it is most excellent! :)

Friday, 27 May 2016

27th May 2016

Mia: Mia had Whiskers milk for lunch and then mackerel for tea. As a result, I am her best friend today and got lovely hugs for it. :)
College: today was a pretty uneventful couple of hours at college. I had to see my tutor to pick up my poster for my show and then help my course tutor sort out a short description of my work for the show. Plus get some spray mount to stick my poster to some mount board for the show. The first floor where we're going to have the show looks terrific! They've done a load of vinyl graphics all over the walls and furniture and everything! The show's gonna look amazing! :) My course tutor also told me not to bother coming in until Wednesday. So I have even more days to find something to do!
Life: after college I went into town in search of a nice summer coat with a hood. As I'd found a hoodie I liked at Christmas at Quiggins, I wanted to look there but I wanted to check out Liverpool One in case I saw something I preferred. So I looked all around Liverpool One before giving up and going to Quiggins where it took me all of 2 minutes to find a gorgeous zip-up hoodie even better than the one I got at Christmas! :) This evening I watched Amazon and looked online for something to amuse myself with this weekend. The best I could come up with was 2 exhibitions at FACT.
One Thing: the best thing that happened today was my friends at college stopping me in my tracks when I was, as they put it, "worrying about things that might not happen". I hadn't really been aware that my anxiety had got the better of me again until then. So it was great to get 'shaken up' and also recommended CBT. I will look into it.

Thursday, 26 May 2016

26th May 2016

Mia: Mia seems to want to sleep on the sofa tonight. I've decided to let sleeping cats lie.
Life: this morning I went and did the food shop. I still haven't really got over how much cheaper it is being veggie! :) This afternoon I designed a poster I was asked to do and worked some more on my canvas. Otherwise, I have just watched more rubbish on Netflix and done some colouring. Pretty uneventful day really. It's also my mum's 76th birthday*
One Thing: I'm choosing not going doolally today. Being in this house alone has driven me nuts in the past. I think it's a sign of improvement that I can do that these days and not be driven to distraction.
*in 8 years time

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

25th May 2016

Mia: had a half an hour play with Mia this afternoon. It was fun! :) However, this evening she's been in a really bitey mood but, seeing as she dashed to the stairs (and not the kitchen) when I got up of the sofa, I think she maybe just wanted us to go to bed.
Life: I've had a really lazy day today and didn't even bother getting dressed until 3.30pm! That was to go to circle training where we watched some movies and ate some popcorn. The rest of the day has been spent watching music documentaries on Netflix and I now know as much about Twisted Sister and Tom Petty as I'm probably ever gonna wanna know!
One Thing: I'm choosing my play session with Mia. It was delightful and the highlight of my day! :)

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

24th May 2016

Mia: As I type, Mia has crawled under the duvet with me. Her fur feels lovely against my feet :) Earlier, however, there was a commotion and I arrived just in time to see Mia dashing in through the catflap and a giant tabby the size of a dog wandering down the back of the yard! I've told Mia that she's best avoiding it and, if it tries to bully her again, she's to come and tell me and I'll go and sort it out!
College: I contacted my tutor first thing to see if I needed to come in. She said I wasn't required until Friday but then I discovered I had a DVD to return, so I drove in. As I got in the lift to the library, another tutor caught me and said there were feedback forms to fill in. So, after I'd returned my DVD, I went and did the feedback forms.
Life: once I'd got out of college, I drove to Preston to satisfy my curiosity. I hadn't missed anything in the last three years so it didn't take long! Once I got back home, I did myself some tea and have spent the evening watching Amazon.
One Thing: I'm choosing bumping into college friends today. I'm already missing them and I'm gonna miss them even more soon! :(

Monday, 23 May 2016

23rd May 2016

Mia: as I type, Mia is looking at my built-in wardrobe trying to work out how to get in it. Before that she was sat licking her pussy! She is in my bedroom because I've left the door open out of curiosity to see if she tries to share my pillow again or goes next door to have a bed to herself.
Life: my parents left at 8.30 this morning. They were up early because I'd left the bedside alarm on. Oops! I went into Liverpool for lunch (a sandwich from Tesco) but also wandered around the shops. I bumped into Jen. She had her arm in a sling! Apparently she'd fallen and broken her ribs and arm! This is only a matter of months after being seriously injured in a car crash! She really isn't having much luck at the moment! After lunch, I went to WHISC for my volunteering shift. Today I did some stuff on the Facebook page. Debs and Eleni happened to pop in whilst I was there - today has been one of surprise meetings! This evening, I came home and started a new canvas.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is how lovely people have been to me on Facebook. It's lovely to know they have my back. :)
Update: Mia managed to jump up onto my bed UNDER the duvet! She then crawled her way up to the top and crawl out before wandering down to the bottom corner where she is now resting. :)

Sunday, 22 May 2016

22nd May 2016

Mia: Mia seems to be fond of my parents. Not really known her to be so fond of strangers. She normally does a runner.
Life: yesterday we had a lovely meal out in Liscard. Tonight we had another meal out in Liverpool - both were Turkish. 'Come to Merseyside and taste the traditional... Turkish cuisine'! Lol! This morning I made my way to Manchester cathedral to meet up with the Canon to discuss my forthcoming exhibition. I was impressed with the Canon. He seemed knowledgable about art and enthusiastic about having my work there. The cathedral is a lovely location to show my work too :) Afterwards, we had a quick wander around the shops - I didn't bother buying anything - and then cake and tea at Nexus Art Cafe. It was a very pleasant afternoon. :)
One Thing: meeting the Canon was lovely and really reassuring. I was much impressed and very hopeful for my exhibition. :)

Friday, 20 May 2016

20th May 2016

Mia: was surprised that Mia didn't do a runner when my parents arrived. She normally does a runner when strangers visit. She must obviously like them.
College: I was in college for all of half an hour today. In fact, it took longer to get to and from college than I was actually there for! However, it was deadline day, so everyone was working hard. So I kind of felt good to get out of under everyone's feet!
Life: I had a lazy afternoon and then my parents arrived just as I was about to collect the remains of my prescription. After that, I went into Liverpool to see Francesca Martinez (check her out on Google or YouTube). She was way better than I hoped! Really thought provoking and inspirational! But the venue was a rip-off! £5.20 for a bottle of cider! :( Afterwards, I didn't fancy the walk back into town, running a gauntlet of drunks. So I was glad of my bus pass to take me to Hanover Street and then the bus home. The bus home had a couple of blokes who were absolutely trollied! They must be absolute lightweights to be that drunk at only 22:35!
One Thing: I'm choosing seeing Francesca Martinez tonight. I'd love to see her again! :)

Thursday, 19 May 2016

19th May 2016

Mia: as its been a rainy day, Mia's spent the majority of it indoors. She's not daft though - given the choice of a blanket on the floor and a single bed all to herself, she naturally chooses the bed! :)
Life: this morning I caught the bus and went and got a few food bits for the weekend. This afternoon I went to collect my prescription but the silly sods hadn't even bothered to start it! Thus defeating the whole point of ordering it online four days early! Which I did because I knew they don't generally have decapeptyl in stock! And, naturally, because they hadn't started it they didn't have the decapeptyl in stock! So they kept me waiting half an hour for half a prescription! Just as well I wasn't desperate for the decapeptyl! But it's a total pain in the arse having to go back for a prescription they should've had ready and waiting for me! :( This evening I went and saw Stand Up And Spit - an evening of 'rant poetry'. It was a hit and miss affair - mostly miss. But I did enjoy a couple of the poets and it did make me feel a whole lot better about my own poetry! :)
One Thing: I'm choosing feeling good about my own poetry and being inspired by tonight's performance. It's another case of realising I do myself down too much - that instead of being run of the mill, I'm actually on a par with actual published and performing poets! :)

18th May 2016

Mia: Mia went to bed at about 9pm. Then at 1am she came and sat on my lap as if to say "it's 1am Claire. Get to bed". :)
College: I got to college at 9am, said hello to my tutor and then spent the rest of the day - bar lunch and handing my contextual studies stuff in - painting my easel black for the end of year show. People say it looks good, so I'm hoping they're not lying. :)
Life: this evening I went to circle training. It was good and also interesting to have a mixture of men and women there but, no offense, just once in my life I'd like there not to be a ripple of stifled surprise and stifled stares when I say I'm Trans. It doesn't happen when I say I have deformed legs and feet, so it definitely shouldn't happen when I say I'm Trans. It also bugs me when people say I'm brave. They tend to mean I'm brave for being Trans or brave for being open and honest or all three and that's just loaded with so much patronage, it gets to me! :( When I got home, I did some colouring. I didn't mean to stay up until 1am but I'm sure you know what it's like when you get stuck into something!
One Thing: I'm choosing being at college today. There was much laughter and I enjoyed the company. :)

Tuesday, 17 May 2016

17th May 2016

Mia: this morning, Mia and I had a quick half hour of play before I went to college. Then, this evening, we had a ten minute cuddle after I'd given her the remainder of the mackerel for tea. However, what really melted my heart was just watching her sleep. She looks like an absolute angel when she sleeps! :)
College: I got into college early because I was bored at home. I printed off my pictures of Berlin street art and stuck them in my contextual studies sketchbook. After lunch, I went to my graphics lesson and discussed promotional materials with my tutor and agreed business cards were the best thing. So I sorted then out online but couldn't order them as I didn't want to put my card details into college computers but then forgot when I got home, so it'll have to wait another day now. I also wrote up a short description of my project for the show.
Life: this evening I have watched The Lady In The Van. It's a DVD I picked up from college today. I'd been waiting for it to come on Netflix or Amazon for ages but it never has. So I was thrilled to see it at college... and even more so when they said I could have it for a week and that it was free! :)
One Thing: I don't wanna choose Mia yet again so the one thing I'm choosing today is being in college and being with creative minded folk and seeing all the amazing work everyone's creating. I shall miss it all hugely! :(

Monday, 16 May 2016

16th May 2016

Mia: just had a half hour play with Mia. It still brings me so much joy to see her galloping around and rolling on the floor. :) I also gave her mackerel for tea. As she'd been turning her nose up to sardines, I thought I'd try her on the mackerel instead as, if she didn't like it, at least I liked it and didn't need to waste it. She loved it though and gobbled it up - even if for some reason she preferred to eat it off the kitchen floor rather than the plate! There's just no understanding her sometimes! :D
Life: this afternoon I started volunteering at WHISC in Liverpool. It's only a couple of hours a week on Monday - nothing too taxing - but it helps to keep my hand in. I'm gonna help them out with their internet presence and promotional material - much the same as I did for CAW. It's work I enjoy so it should be good. I'm back working with Kirsteen from CAW too - she pretty much gave me the job, to be fair - so that's lovely too. :) This evening I picked up my duvets from the launderette and finished off my current canvas. I've also been dwelling on the big void that's going to take the place of college soon. I'm thinking I'm gonna have to face it one day - I can't keep running away from it. So it may as well be now as any other time. I don't think it'll be pleasant but I know, if I find my way out the other side, I'll emerge stronger for it and won't need to keep distracting myself from it.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is my couple of hours at WHISC. I enjoyed it and the time zipped by! :)

Sunday, 15 May 2016

15th May 2016

Mia: had fun and games with Mia this morning. Unfortunately, I damaged one of my paintings doing so but I've patched it up as best I can.
Life: this morning I took my duvets to launderette for service wash. It cost me £46! I shan't be doing that again in a hurry! This afternoon I made chickpea tofu. I haven't tasted it yet but it was easy enough. If it tastes good, I shan't bother buying it at the shops no more! This evening I went to see Laura Mvula at O2 Liverpool. It was in the 'club' part of it and it was jammed solid! I was glad to get near the mixing desk and have the fence for support but I couldn't see an inch of the stage until the encore and half of them had disappeared (to get the train or something I presume). She played about half and half new and old material. I really enjoyed it and can't wait for the new album! :) incidentally, it is dawning on me that there is soon going to be a huge void where college used to be. It is quite scary! :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is quality time with Mia. It is so worth the effort! She is a total darling and somewhat entertaining too! :)

14th May 2016

Mia: when I got in this evening, I apologised to Mia for spending so little time with her lately. I hope she understands the amount of time I spend with her isn't correlated to the amount I love her.
Life: this morning I caught the bus to Morrisons and did the weekly shop. This afternoon I did the laundry, switched energy company to First Utility and did my meter readings. This evening I went to Southport where I helped Jayne celebrate her birthday. We are at a Thai restaurant and the food was first class! But at £32 per person, it's the most expensive meal I can remember eating! Still, it was worth it.
One Thing: celebrating Jayne's birthday. She's my longest standing friend and she's a first class friend too! Hard to think when I first met her I thought she was a loony! :D

Friday, 13 May 2016

13th May 2016

Mia: The only thing Mia's been interested in today is food. She should know better than that by now!
College: So today was deadline day at college... Until she changed it to next week! I know why she did it but when you've cancelled plans to meet your deadline, it's a bit of a piss-take to find its suddenly moved! Anyway, I finished all my work and handed it in regardless. I just have to prepare my end of year show now.
Life: this evening I went into Liverpool for LightNight. Instead of like last year when we wandered around aimlessly and it doing my head in, this year I decamped at Central Library. The first thing I saw was a lecture on Shakespeare which made me want to go and read more of his stuff! The next thing was a presentation on LGBT and BAME history, and the third thing I saw at the library was a presentation on anime. Unfortunately, they'd arrived without a microphone so told those of us who couldn't hear to move forward. I did just that but still couldn't hear so walked out annoyed. So then I went across to St George's Hall for a play by Grin LGBTQI theatre company called I Kissed A Boy And I Liked It which was probably my favourite thing of the evening. :)
One Thing: I'm choosing LightNight tonight. It was yet another example of how fabulous Liverpool is. I really enjoyed it. :)

Thursday, 12 May 2016

12th May 2016

Mia: lovely to be greeted by Mia jumping over the fence to welcome me home this morning. I missed her terribly and clearly she missed me too. The neighbour who Id asked to look after her whilst I was away popped around this evening. She said Mia had been off her food - most unlike her! Poor darling! :( xx
Life: it was straight to bed this morning and then, when I woke up, I had a lazy breakfast until noon, when I had lunch. This afternoon I went to WHISC in Liverpool to meet up with Kirsteen and discuss the voluntary job I'm gonna start next week. Then I went and met Clare and we wandered over to The Bluecoat for a mutual writing class. After that, as I'd been well under budget in Berlin, I decided to extend my holiday by eating out at Bakchich where I had a veggie burger. I then stopped off at Morrisons on the way home to get some milk and cookies. The rest of the evening has been spent sorting out my holiday photos.
One Thing: lots of good stuff today: being glad to be alive, small victories, the weather - but I'm choosing being home with Mia. She is such a sweetheart and I love her dearly!

Sunday, 8 May 2016

8th May 2016

Mia: Mia was out enjoying the sunshine most of the day. However, she was at home when the neighbour who's looking after her came around to call and didn't appreciate it when the neighbour picked her up. Mia is too much of an independent spirit to be manhandled like that!
Life: had a lazy start to the day and didn't have breakfast until 9:30am. Had a nap in the afternoon. Enjoying socialising with Nikki and Patricia this evening. :)
College: spent most of the day cracking on with drawing sketchbook for college. I think I'm done but I guess I'll find out for sure next week.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is socialising with Nikki and Patricia. I'm so lucky to have such quality friends in my life! :)

Saturday, 7 May 2016

7th May 2016

Mia: Mia was playing 'stunt kitty' just now. She tried to jump from pouffe to my lap but landed short and then there was a mad scramble to get on my lap and not fall. I helped her but she looked at me with complete disgust afterwards and jumped straight back on to the pouffe again! :(
Life: today I was back teaching again. This time at Big Love Sista. They seemed to really enjoy it and I did too. :) The work was amazing too! :) Then I came home for tea before heading back into Liverpool again for an evening of poetry. I'd heard of neither act before but the promise of "dub poetry" was enough to get me to part with £10. As it turned out "dub poetry" wasn't at all musical and was in fact poetry in the "Jamaican tongue". However, the support act - Hollie McNish - was excellent! So I bought her book and got it signed too! :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is things going so well at BLS. :)

6th May 2016

Mia: some days I swear all Mia wants from me is food! The only times I've seen her today is when she's hungry! But if she can wait until after 7am in future, so much the better!
College: my tutor saw me first thing to tell me my drawing sketchbook wasn't up to scratch and needed more in it! So my plans for a relaxed weekend went up in smoke within ten minutes of being in college! :( I then worked on finishing my FMP sketchbook and came home at 3:30pm because I wanted to make a start on my drawing sketchbook and my inks are at home. So, when I got home, I sprayed up my sketchbook in preparation.
Life: I went to the cinema this evening to watch the latest Captain America film. It was very enjoyable and made me want to watch the first two again. After the cinema I packed my rucksack for Berlin.
One Thing: I'm choosing going to the cinema tonight. I was in two minds whether to go as I have so much to do but I'm glad I did. :)

Thursday, 5 May 2016

5th May 2016

Mia: poor Mia! Today didn't turn out quite like I planned! When I left home at 10am, I didn't intend to stay out for the next 10 hours! So I've seen very little of Mia today. :(
Life: so I went and voted this morning. As Labour were the only party that bothered to put leaflets through my door, I voted for them. Then I went to the v.e.t. to ask about the changes to the plan they're making. I will try the new treatment on Mia but if it brings her out in blisters again I will dump it double quick and cancel the plan! After that, I caught the bus to New Brighton to meet up with Helen. We got ice cream from Caffe Cream (I had peanut butter and jelly, and gingerbread - they were delicious! :) ) and had a wander along the prom. The weather was gorgeous and I very much enjoyed the company. :) After we said our goodbyes, I caught the bus home... except I dozed off and missed my stop! So decided to stick on it all the way to Liverpool as I started a writing course this evening. With a couple of hours to spare, I went to Wagamamas for tunch and then John Lewis for Euros and then the art shops in search of Liquid Pearls. I then was desperate for the toilet so dashed into Leaf and then felt I ought to at least buy myself a drink so ordered a fruit ice tea which was very brightly coloured and looked more like a cocktail! After that, I walked across town to the library for my writing course. It was a positive start but there was someone I took an instant dislike to, so we'll just have to see how patient I am.
One Thing: I'm choosing walking in the sunshine with Helen today. It was lovely weather with a lovely person. I most enjoyed it! :)

4th May 2016

Mia: Mia was enjoying the sunshine today so I didn't see much of her. She seemed in good spirits though :)
College: no palava with the bus today so I was able to get to college for 8am. I finished off my FMP at about 11:15am and then met up with Patricia and we went over to the church for our meeting about Berlin. It seems well planned so I feel quite relieved about that as I was worried it was getting rather last minute. I hope it'll be an unforgettable experience in the best possible way. :) Then we came back for our contextual studies lesson except that I have nothing to do and sat and twiddled my thumbs until my tutor objected. So then I went home.
Life: this evening I went to Liverpool for BLS circle. It was great to be back in circle. I've missed it so much! Looking forward to the next one already! :)
One Thing: I'm choosing getting my FMP done 10 days early today. I'm hoping for a relaxing week or so before the real work starts on the end of year exhibition!

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

3rd May 2016

Mia: Mia seems to be drinking her milk again. She's turned her nose up at it for months - to the extent I'd stopped giving it her. But I tried again this week and, hey ho, she's decided she likes it again! I got cuddles for my effort. :)
Life: I phoned the vet this morning because they've changed my plan and I wanted some more info about what exactly I'm gonna get for my money. The receptionist was useless! Didn't know the first thing! So she put me on hold as she went to speak to the nurse and, you guessed it, cut me off in the process! I'll try again Thursday. This evening, as I wasn't feeling very hungry, I had strawberries and yogurt, cherry Danish, and jam filo parcels for tea - pure nutrition! I also finished off another canvas.
College: I had such palava with the bus to college this morning, I gave up waiting and drove in instead! When I got in, our tutor was awol so I went to the library to finish off my poster. After lunch, I went to my graphics lesson and my tutor decided my poster wasn't finished at all! So I spent the next 3 hours trying different things to improve it. I caught him just as he was about to go home to show him what I'd done and he suggested even more stuff to do with it! It's frustrating but it's better than twiddling my thumbs tomorrow and Friday!
One Thing: cuddles with Mia as usual. She just melts my heart! :)

Monday, 2 May 2016

2nd May 2016

Mia: Mia has had a day of being ignored. She's a very tolerant creature!
Life: at lunch time I went and did the food shop. Being veggie has certainly brought the price down! :) for tea I mad a Mediterranean veg, spinach and ricotta filo tray bake. The recipe was inspired by something similar my friend Jayne did for BLS a month or two back. It was very nice and I've saved the other three-quarters for my lunch this week. :) This evening I have been listening to Prince whilst doing some colouring. :)
College: this morning I designed a tag for contextual studies that I'm hoping will print on a vest. If it doesn't, I've probably ruined a perfectly good vest!
One Thing: I'm choosing the tray bake today. For something I made myself with no recipe, I'm well chuffed with it! :)

Sunday, 1 May 2016

1st May 2016

Mia: another day of not seeing much of Mia. :( But we did have a brief cuddle just before tea time. It might've been emotional bribery but I appreciated it all the same. :)
Life: this morning I decided I would start going to the LGBT writing group. So, as the (optional) task for this month's meeting was to write 250 words on tension, I spent an hour doing that and then took it to the meeting. It was well received with people seemingly thinking I'd spent considerable care and attention over it! Lol! The rest of the meeting was very worthwhile and I enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to next month's meeting already - the theme this time is Justice. I'm thinking of writing about a photoshoot. :) After the meeting, I had a quick walk around town in search of boots to replace the 2 pairs I've worn out this year but found nothing suitable. I also came across some market stalls outside BHS - similar to the Christmas markets (I've no idea whether it's a usual Sunday thing or just because it's a bank holiday weekend) - and one stall was selling some interesting jewelry. So I bought some earrings. :) I also made the mistake of looking at my bank balance at the cash machine. It was horrific! Thankfully my expenditure was in the hundreds last month and not the thousands but it was still horrific! :( This evening I have been listening to the new Beyoncé album whilst researching Berlin. The Beyoncé album was better than I expected but still not anything I'd rush out and buy (even if I was able to!). As for Berlin - shit, there's loads there! 2 and a half days isn't even really enough to give us a taster of it! :(
One Thing: I much enjoyed today's writing group meeting. Since I started at college, I haven't really focussed on my writing so much. I would like to change that this summer. :)

Saturday, 30 April 2016

30th April 2016

Mia: Mia has enjoyed having a new playmate again today but is now totally conked out at my feet! :)
Life: it was a slow start to the day, waiting for Pauline to turn up at noon. But it was then non-stop afterwards. First we went to B&Q, and from there to Liverpool. Where we wandered up Bold Street window shopping and then into Kasbah for an early tea. I had the couscous salad which was lovely. :) Then it was more window shopping and up to the CofE Cathedral which we had a wander around whilst being treated to the fabulous sounding church organ! :) It was then back to the car and out to see Anthony Gormley's Another Place. After that, we came back into town and went to St Brides to drop off some flyers for Sparkle In The Cathedral, but they were having a spirituality meeting there and bribed us with drinks and nibbles to join them, which was most hospitable of them. :) After that, we drove to New Brighton to get some Cakeaway from The Seahorse, which we ate back at my place whilst Sonia played with Mia. :)
One Thing: so much to choose from today but I'm gonna choose having the company of Pauline and Sonia and, in particular, Pauline's generosity of spirit in doing so much driving around! :)

Friday, 29 April 2016

29th April 2016

Mia: not really seen anything of Mia today but I think she enjoyed having a new playmate tonight :)
College: had a snotty bus driver take me to college today! He wanted to know why I'd taken his bus instead of a different one! I told him to go away (my exact words) and then took a photo of his bus and reported him. My college day was largely a productive one and I'm almost done on my FMP - a fortnight early! One of my tutors bumped into me in the library and gave me considerable praise for my work, which was very rewarding. :)
Life: I went into Liverpool this evening to meet up with Sonia. Except I must've got the wrong end of the stick as she was just going to a psychiatry film. So I sat and watched it as well. It was a very good film but I hadn't been intending to watch a film tonight. I thought we were just gonna hit the town! Anyway, afterwards we went to Damas for tea and shared a very nice mezze and a tirimisu. Then we did what I thought we were gonna do - check out Liverpool's gay scene. We started at The Lisbon and then went to Navy bar but that was completely dead so we called it a night - at 10pm! It seems Liverpool's gay scene doesn't get going until past my bedtime! :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is the praise I got off my tutor. It was most unexpected but lovely! :)

Thursday, 28 April 2016

28th April 2016

Mia: poor Mia had to go to the v.e.t. today because she'd been losing hair near her bottom. As usual getting her in the carrier was traumatic for both of us but I've discovered if you drape her towel on her it calms her down just enough to pick her up and put her in her carrier (of course that doesn't stop her trying to escape before you've had time to put the lid on, scratching or hissing at you!). So I shall have to remember that in future. Anyway, the v.e.t. reckoned it was blocked anal glands and took her away to sort her out. She brought her back 5 minutes later smelling rather whiffy! So I dread to think what they did to her! Anyway, all sorted now. That's the main thing.
Life: had a pretty lazy day but this evening I discovered the microwave meal I was gonna have doesn't cook from frozen and there was nothing else I fancied so it was an excuse to go out. I went to the Marino Lounge. I dunno what's happened to the place but the food and service were dreadful! I shan't bother again! I then came home and had strawberries and meringue for pudding and watched Daredevil on Netflix, which after the first few lacklustre episodes of season 2 has picked up again now. :)
College: I had a go at writing my 750 word essay this afternoon. I only got 500 words done and I couldn't think of anything else to write. So I sent it to Patricia to see if she had any ideas but she didn't. So I've printed it out and will show it to my tutor tomorrow for her feedback.
One Thing: I'm choosing cuddles with Mia again. After the traumatic day she's had it was lovely to see she still loves me. :)

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

27th April 2016

Mia: I've had fun and games and cuddles with Mia this evening! I feel quite spoilt! :) However, that might change tomorrow when I have to take her to the v.e.t.!
College: I've been working on my graphics all day - except for 90 mins of contextual studies when she insisted we did her work... despite the fact I've done all her work! So I went to the library and got a book to read! Waste of 90 mins of my time! I hate people who can't be flexible and so waste your time for no good reason! :( However, I am happy with the progress I've made on my FMP today. It's looking good! :)
Life: this evening I watched Carol (it was a pleasant enough film but I can't really see why people are raving about it!), and then Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day (slightly more enjoyable than Carol but still largely forgettable!).
One Thing: I'm very happy with my FMP tonight. I think it'll do me justice. :)

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

26th April 2016

Mia: I haven't given Mia the attention I would've liked today; She disappeared off out straight after breakfast and I was doing college work for most of this evening. I think she felt neglected too. Poor love! :(
College: I got to college this morning and was promptly informed Kerry would do my photoshoot for my FMP at 1:30pm, which was very kind of her. :) So I was in for my graphics lesson just long enough to inform my tutor of this. The photoshoot went very well and I had a good selection of photos to choose from. So we got them into my folder on the computer and then I went back to graphics for the rest of the afternoon where I gradually narrowed down my choice of photo to use. Unfortunately, my tutor kept on telling me to explore this, that, and the other option so I left feeling like I'd accomplished a great deal but also had a great deal more to do before I was at the stage I wanted to be at today. :( So this evening I've worked on my graphics stuff until 9pm but now feel clearer in mind exactly what I want and what I have to do. :)
Life: so today the junior doctors went on all at strike for the first time ever. That alone should tell you how badly the government are treating them! I am definitely on their side in this! It was also announced that the Hillsborough 96 had been unlawfully killed. I've not lived here all that long but it's long enough to know how this travesty runs like a vein through Liverpool. So I was quite emotional even though I'm merely an onlooker. On a completely different subject, when I got home I realised another pair of boots have but the dust! I'm fast running out and I've yet to find any decent replacements that don't make me baulk at the price!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is the verdict for the Hillsborough 96. It was long overdue but it is only the start.

Monday, 25 April 2016

25th April 2016

Mia: Mia has been in a cuddly mood today. It was rather lovely :) What wasn't lovely was her clawing at my bedroom door, pulling strips out of it! A few more days of that and she'll have made her own handle!
Life: I went and did the food shopping this morning. Being veggie is certainly proving cheaper than being a carnivore so far! :) this evening I went to yoga. I dunno whether it was cos I missed it last week but tonight was hard! I really got angry with myself - which is not the idea at all! Coming back I got caught in a hail storm. It was crazy weather! On the bright side, my gutters aren't dripping. So it looks like that was money well spent! :)
College: I got my graphics sketchbook up-to-date today. Didn't take more than half an hour. :)
One Thing: I'm choosing cuddles with Mia. Cuddles with Mia makes any day special! :)
Only 8 months to Christmas now...

Sunday, 24 April 2016

24th April 2016

Mia: the day started well with fun and games but ended badly when I realised I had one less pouch of wet food than I thought. So, faced with a choice of giving her no tea or no breakfast, I opted to give her no tea. She has plenty of dry food so isn't going to starve but her look of expectation is heartbreaking and I keep apologising to her but it's upsetting and I feel bad. :(
Life: this morning I watched catch-up telly and then caught the bus to Liverpool for heArt School. Today we were doing oil painting. I enjoyed it but my hunch is I'm not going to be swapping acrylic for oils anytime soon. This evening I had chip omelette for tea (my own culinary creation but I'm baffled why it's not offered at chip shops! Perhaps I shall have to start asking for it and create a demand!) and watched the BBC's celebration of Shakespeare. I enjoyed it and it amplified my feelings that, when done by proper actors (instead of at school), you can hear the musicality of it and understand it! Perhaps then, instead of forcing it down our necks at school, they should allow us to discover it for ourselves when we're mature enough to appreciate it!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is heArt School. I learned a great deal - and not just about oil painting!

Saturday, 23 April 2016

23rd April 2016

Mia: we had fun and games this morning but I'm convinced the only thing she's really interested in is food! Move towards the kitchen from anywhere in the house and she meows excitedly and hurtles towards the kitchen! Then, when you don't give her any food, she looks at you confused as if to say "where's the damn food?"! She gave me a bit of a fright this evening too when I thought she was coughing up a furball but it went on for ages! In the end, she didn't cough up anything!
Life: first thing, I applied to the Writing On The Wall 10 week writing course. Then, after breakfast, I worked some more on my latest canvas. This evening I got the bus to see a one man theatre production of 'The Singular Adventures of Sherlock Holmes' by Don't Go Down Into The Cellar! Productions. I didn't know what to expect but it was very good. I most enjoyed it! :)
College: I got my contextual studies stuff up-to-date this afternoon. I have no intention of adding anything more to it now. So that just leaves me my FMP to complete. :)
One Thing: I'm choosing going to the theatre tonight. It's nice to treat myself now and again (a little too often, to be honest!). :)

Friday, 22 April 2016

22nd April 2016

Mia: haven't really seen much of Mia today as I went upstairs this evening to work on computer and she chose to stay in lounge. Couldn't even really get her interested in chasing the ribbon before I came to bed.
College: a fairly productive day at college for a change. I have the rough concept of my campaign poster and the logo for my 'grief charity' done.
One Thing: I'm choosing having a productive day at college, with people I like, listening to Prince all day. :)

Thursday, 21 April 2016

21st April 2016

Mia: Mia is still alive and, the way 2016 is going, I am mightily relieved about that!
Life: I started another canvas this morning. This one is gonna be in my Art Journaling style. After that I went and met Clare to discuss the future. However, as we were dining at Wagamama, I got the news Prince had died. I saw him live in the mid 1990s and it is in the top 2 best concerts I've ever been to! He was such a gifted musician! :( After meeting Clare, I came home and have been watching Netflix.
One Thing: I am really made up with the tattoo I've got. It really didn't hurt anything like I thought it would! I will look forward to adding to it when I get more cats. :)

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

20th April 2016

Mia: today I had to give Mia her worming and flea treatments. The worming tablet was easy as ever - just put it amongst some Dreamies in my hand and she scoffs the lot down without even noticing! The flea drop is not so easy because she senses when it's about to happen and scarpers! So I have to be sneaky and do it mid-stroke without pausing because, again, if I pause whilst stroking her to drop the stuff in, she scarpers!
College: today was a slow day at college. I didn't really feel like I got much done at all! But I want to start designing it next week so it's looking like I'm gonna have a busy weekend! On the plus side, the feedback for my contextual studies was positive and so I just need to keep it up-to-date.
Life: so today was the day that Victoria Wood died. I loved her stuff - and she was so versatile too! It's quite incredible to think of all that she accomplished! It was lovely to see all the links popping up on Facebook and watch old favourites again. However, what got me were people saying "62's too young to die" as though there's some age limit to it! On a more positive note, I finished off my current portrait and I'm very happy with it. In fact, I'm very happy that each one is better than the previous one. Long may that continue! :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is finishing off my canvas. I'm really happy with my progress. :)

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

19th April 2016

Mia: haven't really seen anything of Mia today, so nothing to report.
College: so it was back to college today after our 2 week break. Incredible to think there's just 6 weeks left of this course now. However, I'm struggling with my FMP as I don't really know how to progress with it. It's like trudging through mud at the moment and I'm getting nowhere fast! :(
Life: after college I went into town to look for a rucksack for Berlin... and found one I liked in Primark! :) After that, I went to choir but very few people turned up this evening - perhaps having found something better to do in the sunshine??
One Thing: I'm choosing being back at college today. It was great to get back and see everyone. :)

Monday, 18 April 2016

18th April 2016

Mia: I don't blame Mia one bit if she is fed up of me tonight! I've scarcely paid her any attention at all today! :(
Life: I went to Birkenhead first thing, looking for a rucksack for Berlin. I didn't have any luck - all the designs I liked were kids sizes so I didn't think I'd be able to get them on my back! As I walked around, I could feel my thighs beginning to twinge but I carried on. I got the bus to New Brighton to see the new Jungle Book movie, which was excellent! I was very impressed with it - and the original Disney cartoon is one of my fave movies ever! So it's not like I was easily pleased! However, when I got up to leave, I realised my legs had really tensed up and so had great difficulty walking! Regardless, I thought it might be something that just needed walking off so I walked up the hill a little bit to the next stop but it was no good! They were still stiff! So I cried off yoga, caught the bus and made it home for tea, fed myself and Mia (which she turned her nose up at!) and have spent the rest of the evening online shopping for a rucksack but it has been a complete waste of time because, again, all I found that I really liked was kids ones! :( So, anyway, I've just come to bed and as well as my legs being stiff my feet must've swollen up because I really struggled to get my boots off! :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is watching the Jungle Book movie. It really was very good! :)

Sunday, 17 April 2016

17th April 2016

Mia: there was no sign of Mia this morning. So I put her breakfast out and went for my shower. Once I was up and ready, I come down for breakfast and her food was gone but still no sign of Mia. I eventually saw Mia about 10 minutes before I had to catch the bus to Southport! When I got home, I gave her her supper and the rest of the evening she has sat at my feet sleeping. Stop press: she has just come up and curled up on my lap for a cuddle as I'm typing this! :)
Life: so I caught the bus to Southport today to see Jayne and Sarah. The trip there took approx 2 hours but I enjoyed the ride; having the opportunity to see the scenery on a leisurely drive. :) So, anyway, I called in on Jayne and Sarah and spent a very pleasant afternoon with them and was even treated to lunch at a nearby pub. I had a hanging haloumi kebab. It was very tasty! :) At about 7pm I caught the bus home. :)
One Thing: obviously, it's Jayne and Sarah today. I am blessed with some lovely friends and they don't come much lovelier than these two! :)

Saturday, 16 April 2016

16th April 2016

Mia: I arrived home this afternoon in a foul mood only to be greeted by Mia jumping over the fence to greet me. That soon put a smile on my face! :)
Life: this morning I worked some more on my current portrait and was very pleased with it. It just needs the last few additions and then it shall be done. :) I then caught the bus to Liverpool for Gather The Women. Unfortunately, as I waited, I realised I didn't want to be around people today but bared with it because I expected to be in a safe place in circle once more. Sadly, it didn't turn out that way. Instead, I was gutted to discover GTW is no longer going to continue in its previous form and it took considerable effort not to walk out at several points during the meeting. But I stuck with it because of what happened at the beginning of the month with InTrust and didn't want to disrespect the people who I think a great deal of. But I was still upset when I left, so I stopped at Patisserie Valerie for a cream tea to cheer myself up... except that was shite too! So, as I said, I arrived back home in a foul mood. After feeding myself and Mia, I watched a film called Look Who's Back. The premise sounded interesting: Hitler comes back from the grave in modern day Germany and the public think he's a comedian but I didn't expect it to be as brilliant as it was! Parts of it were absolutely sublime! :) I intend to buy it on DVD at some point and may even buy the book (even though I don't read any more!).
One Thing: Mia is still the best thing in my life. I wish I had some of her enthusiasm for life sometimes! She seems to take almost everything in her stride! :)

Friday, 15 April 2016

15th April 2016

Mia: I'm not at all convinced any more that Mia is a cat. Not only does she turn her nose up at catnip, this evening she turned her nose up at the plate of fish I gave her as a special treat! More research is needed. I think I will start by offering her a bone to gnaw on and work from there.
Life: this morning I did the weekly food shop. I only needed a few bits do it was a quick trip. I then waited in for the man to come see about my gutters as they're leaking. He reckons other than replacing them entirely - which he dissuaded me from doing - the only thing he said he could do was give them a good clean out and reseal them. So that's what I'm gonna have done. After that, I hot-footed it to BLS studio to join the choir in a singsong. However, they started an hour earlier than I thought and so I only got there for the last 10 minutes, which rather deflated me. :( This evening I've been watching Netflix and abhorrent videos on YouTube.
One Thing: once again, Mia's been the best thing about my day. She does amuse me! :)

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

13th April 2016

Mia: the day started with cuddles but she didn't want to know me this evening. Perhaps me being out most of the day offended her??
Life: today was haircut day. She didn't do it weird like last time - it looks pretty smart - but I'm hoping it won't be quite as short as it looks once I've washed it. She is a very good hairdresser though because the style lasts and people still ask me if I've had it done months after it was cut! :) then I went into Liscard and got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in months! :) After that, I met up with Ali and was treated to lunch at The Willow Tree cafe in Liscard. I'd not seen Ali since Christmas, so it was great to catch-up again! And be treated to lunch into the bargain! :) I then caught the bus to Liverpool to meet up with Kirsteen - who, again, I hadn't seen since Christmas. So, again, it was great to catch-up! :) - and it looks like I might be volunteering for WHISC one afternoon a week quite soon. :) I then went to the nearby 'world cuisine supermarkets' to get a few more exotic ingredients for my vegetarian lifestyle like chickpea flour and paneer before returning to WHISC and then Kirsteen very kindly gave me a lift home. :) This evening I 'watched' Netflix whilst I planned my activities for LightNight and WowFest. May is going to be a very busy month! :)
One Thing: catching up with Kirsteen and Ali was lovely and it was great to see them both so happy too! :)

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

12th April 2016

Mia: the day started with fun and games and ended with cuddles. Lovely day! :)
Life: I went into town this morning to post a letter and return junk mail (I've decided I'm returning all my junk mail to sender because I'm sick to death with it!), plus I also had a quick wander. This evening I went to choir and it was a really good turn out. Plus Julie brought a chocolate cake because it was her birthday, which was most generous of her. The cake was delicious! :) She gave me a lift home too and I gave her my present. I'm not sure what she made of the painting (as Clare says "it's all just a layer" - she can paint over it if she doesn't like it!) but she seemed to really like the book I got her. :) The rest of the day was spent watching Netflix and Amazon. I watched Wag The Dog which is a biting political satire and Hitler: The Rise Of Evil, which put me in mind of Trump. I'm not saying Trump is the next Hitler but there's no doubt he's harnessed hate in his campaign and once you've let hate out the bottle it's impossible to get it back in again! I worry where this will end - not well, I fear! Especially if, heaven help us, he becomes President! :(
One Thing: The one thing I'm choosing today is celebrating Julie's birthday. She's a lovely woman and so deserves the lovely things in life... like chocolate cake! :)

Monday, 11 April 2016

11th April 2016

Mia: I've played with Mia much of the day. She just didn't seem to get bored like usual. She brings such sunshine into my life! In fact I often sing "you are the sunshine of my life" to her - which she doesn't at all appreciate, the critic!
Life: other than playing with Mia, I also did a bit more on my current portrait. It's going to be of a bloke I saw on the bus a couple of weeks ago. I also went to yoga this evening. I'm not at all sure what good it's doing me but I enjoy it all the same (if "enjoy" is the right word for stretching bits of you in ways you didn't know possible!).
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is time well spent with Mia. :)

Sunday, 10 April 2016

10th April 2016

Mia: can't believe Mia was expecting more food as I came to bed! :D Since when did I feed her more than twice a day and at 10pm at night at that?!! Silly cat! :D
Life: had a pretty lazy day watching films and listening to music - the neighbour's Rod Stewart selection I'm not so keen on! - until...
College: at 3pm I started on the remaining pictures for my sketchbook and only just got finished at 10pm! But at least it's all done now and I can get on designing whatever it is I'm designing!
One Thing: Mia is such a lovely, sweet natured, patient cat! She is definitely the best thing in my life! I love her to death! :)

Saturday, 9 April 2016

9th April 2016

Mia: Mia has kept herself to herself again today.
Life: this morning I sorted out some paperwork and transferred all the stuff I wanted off my iPhone, ready for selling it. This afternoon I met up with Helen who I hadn't seen for almost a year. She had her son, Jack, with her who is a very personable chap and not at all bratty like some kids! It was a very pleasant afternoon. :) Then I went to exchange my iPhone for a HTC but neither Vodafone shop in Liverpool had any in stock. :( On the plus side - and much to my surprise - I discovered I own my iPhone outright now! I thought I was just paying rental on it! So, anyway, this evening I have been looking online to see what deals there are. I don't really understand how Vodafone work though, so I'm holding fire until I do. Also this evening I did the weekly shop and bought more stuff than usual as I've gone veggie again so had to buy new cuisine - things with exotic names like quinoa! Time will tell how long I stuck with it this time though!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing is meeting up with Helen and Jack. It was lovely to see them again. :)

Friday, 8 April 2016

8th April 2016

Mia: the day started with fun and games and it ended with fun and games too! :) in between there was cuddles and much amusement when Mia tried to drink from the toilet! Obviously she prefers her water urine flavoured!
Life: this morning I went to start on my canvas when the doorbell rang and my Russian dolls were delivered. This was sufficient distraction to make me forget all about my canvas for the rest of the day! The dolls are a lot smaller than I imagined but I have already made a start on them with 2 coats of gesso. Next job is to design what's going on them. This evening I watched La Cage Aux Folles 2. It's not as good as the original but I didn't even know there was a sequel - let alone a trilogy! - until very recently. My favourite though is still The Birdcage for the performances of Robin Williams, Nathan Lane and Gene Hackman. :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is sorting through my paperwork. It's not the most pleasurable job in the world - which is why I only do it like once a year! - but it does give me peace of mind.

Thursday, 7 April 2016

7th April 2016

Mia: fun and games with Mia first thing. Then she took herself off to her bedroom and that was the last I saw of her until tea time! This evening we had more fun and games - except I managed to tread on her paw! And since then she's kept her distance. Don't blame her one bit!
College: I have spent the majority of the day cutting and sticking pictures into my sketchbook for my FMP - and I'm only half way through! :(
Life: today would've been John's 68th birthday. The last 3 years seem longer than what they actually are. It could easily be 10 times as long! I also started on a new canvas today - another portrait. John would be delighted I'm doing so much art these days! He always felt I was wasting my talent! There is so much about him I miss but his physical presence is what I miss most. Just to be able to touch him again: a hug, to hold his hand, tweak his nose, run my hands through his non-existent hair, to kiss... Is it really only 3 years?!! :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is fun and games with Mia. My big clunky feet n all!

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

6th April 2016

Mia: had a lovely cuddle with Mia when I got home this evening. This was on top of the kiss she gave me this morning. :) Then I went and ruined it by untangling her hair and she clawed at me! It was only a gentle stroke as if to say "don't do that please" - not at all violent. :)
Life: today I finished off my latest canvas. I am very happy with it. :) Then I went into Liverpool to meet up with Patricia to see High Rise at the cinema. It was an entertaining film but a bit nonsensical because, if something like that did happen, I don't think people would react like that - unless I'm missing something?? (Which I quite probably am) Afterwards we bought art materials - did I really spend £25 on markers for my colouring books?!! I think I might've lost my marbles at that point! - and then we went to Kasbah for tea. It was a lovely few hours with Patricia and my mood improved considerably as a result. :) Coming home, I was a bit nervous that I'd run into those kids again but I came in at the other end of my street and they were nowhere to be seen anyway. I'm sure I've not heard the last of them but if I can avoid it at this precise moment in time all the better.
One Thing: I'm choosing time spent with Patricia today. She is so easy to get on with and I really enjoyed myself. :)

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

5th April 2016

Mia: Mia has kept herself to herself again today.
College: this morning I scanned in and printed out some pages for contextual studies. Then I inked up my sketchbook for my FMP. All I have to do now is cut up 30 pages of images and stick them in it!
Life: this afternoon I went into Liverpool and bought some art materials. Then I went to choir. We got quite a few new members tonight but there were also quite a few regulars missing. :( It was nice to come home in the daylight though... until I walked up my street and a group of toerags tried to involve me in their game of cops and robbers. I was quite happy to ignore them until one little shit came up and called me a murderer to my face! Nice! And on the 3rd anniversary of becoming a widow too! Now all I can think about is where this will lead to and how to handle it. I honestly have no idea how to deal with unruly brats! But I won't hesitate to inform the police if I start to feel threatened. This has been a lovely area to live in until now! :(
One Thing: I'm choosing choir. It was nice to see new people there. :)

Monday, 4 April 2016

4th April 2016

Mia: what is there to say about Mia that I've not said before? Absolutely nothing...
Life: this morning I had the blues again. So, once I'd had my breakfast, I did my monthly accounts. I'm £500 down on what I had last month. :( This afternoon I went and had a massage with Nina. She really helped loosen up my neck and shoulders - it was wonderful! :) After that, I caught the bus into town for my yoga lesson. She was working on the groin today - I can't open my legs more than a foot apart! At the end we were doing yoga nidra (sp?) and I was breathing in the new and exhaling the old as instructed. Considering tomorrow is 3rd anniversary of John's death, it was rather emotional. Walking though town on the way to bus home though I thought that embracing the new was something I need to work on. At the bus stop, I was annoyed by 2 teenagers intent on pissing people off! Smoking drugs - not even nice smelling drugs! - and rocking the seat! I stank of whatever the fuck it was they were smoking and have had to stick all my clothes in the wash and have a shower! Plus I also have a headache!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is my massage with Nina. It fair did the trick! Pity those teenagers then had to go and ruin my evening afterwards! :(

Sunday, 3 April 2016

3rd April 2016

Mia: Mia ate her breakfast today, so she got tea. She also got cuddles and playtime. I spoil that pussycat! :D
Life: it didn't take long this morning to get the blues again. Really, I have nothing to be depressed about - I have a home, food, luxuries and I'm in reasonable health. Sadly, though, it doesn't work like that. Anyway, I did some painting and playing with Mia cheered me up a bit. Then I went to 'Mad Pride' which turned out to be shit! Not that they promised anything they didn't deliver - just that it was in such a tiny venue they might as well have not bothered! There was not more than 100 people in there but you couldn't move! After I left, I saw some of the photos they posted on Facebook. All I'll say about that is that it was very creative photography! This evening I watched Amazon Prime whilst doing some colouring-in.
One Thing: I'm choosing my current painting today. I got quite a bit done on it today and I'm proud of what I've done. It makes me smile. :)

Saturday, 2 April 2016

2nd April 2016

Ever since I was young, I've been terrified of confrontations and have thus tended to not voice my opinions if I can possibly help it. Instead, if I do express them, I do it in writing - as I'm doing now. But there are still times when I'm not as honest as id like to be - and the end result is I hate myself for my cowardice.
Today has been a good example of that: I was at a Trans support group meeting, when a certain someone who I've not liked for many a year, started a conversation which basically boiled down to 'the right way to be Trans' which I hate with a passion! Even my good friends felt obliged to justify why they think the way they do - and I hate that as well!
Is it not enough for us to just exist?!! Why can we not just get on with our lives without feeling the need to justify ourselves and criticise others?!! (This applies to humanity as a whole - not just Trans people, of course)
So I was boiling up inside and wanting to scream but, as mentioned, I don't like confrontations so didn't want to cause a scene. So that triggered my fight or flight response and I got up and left (so much for not causing a scene!). I intended to just stand outside and calm down but my friend followed me, asking what was wrong which just made things worse and so I got in my car and drove away!
When I got home, I was sufficiently calm to feel bad about what I'd done. So I texted my friend to apologise and explain and then I arranged to come back and meet for tea. So that's what I did.
However, as we dined, I felt myself getting tired and emotional and was glad to get home.
April is not a good month for me: On the 5th it'll be 3 years since John died and the 7th would've been his 68th birthday.
The last 2 years I have taken myself away on holiday but this year, because of college, I haven't. I did look last week at disappearing this week to Glasgow - my favourite city in the UK - but baulked at the prices. I'm now thinking this was a mistake.
Yes, it is expensive - as much as my monthly income - but this last week or so I've been feeling highly sensitive around people. More so than in previous years, to be honest. Usually my worst months are Feb (when John was first taken into hospice) and August (our anniversary) but this year I breezed through February - and I've yet to get to August, of course.
Maybe, since I dont want to spend all that money going away, I should just stay indoors or something next week!
Mia: Mia has refused to eat her breakfast today but has still pestered me for food all day long! Contrary madam! But I did enjoy playing with her whilst I was painting - painting with one hand, playing with Mia with the other! :)
Life: other than the above, I finished off one painting and started on another today.
One Thing: I'm gonna choose playing with Mia. She's the best thing in my life - no contest! I'd be lost without her!

Friday, 1 April 2016

1st April 2016

Mia: more fun and cuddles with Mia - when she's not sulking I've not fed her that half hour!
Life: this morning I went to Morrisons to do the weekly shop. Except, when I got there, I realised I'd forgot the shopping list! So I returned home and then caught the bus to Birkenhead, had a wander over to the central library, didn't find what I wanted, caught bus to Liverpool, bought birthday presents, and caught the bus to Morrisons. Except I went to the Floral to buy theatre tickets, had tunch at the Seahorse and then did the shopping at Morrisons! Except I was a little tipsy on one pint of cider - I'm such a lightweight! - which meant a few items went in that weren't supposed to but at least I was too pissed to care! This evening I have listened to music whilst colouring-in and playing Angry Birds - who played an April Fool on me the rotten b...irds!
One Thing: having unlimited travel on my student bus pass certainly made for an interesting day! :)

Thursday, 31 March 2016

31st March 2016

Mia: Mia has made me laugh today. First there was the "how dare you eat and not give me any food!" look (there was food in her bowl and milk in her dish) and then there was the absolute look of disgust when I shifted her out of my seat on the sofa!
Life: today I have mostly been painting. I finished off one canvas, almost finished another and have started yet another! I also went for a walk for an hour in the sunshine to try and get fit for Berlin in May. Plus watched BBC iPlayer and Netflix. Dunno if I can live this kinda life for the next 40 years but I think I could possibly do it for a while - until the next thing came along.
One Thing: the walk in the sunshine did me good. :)

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

30th March 2016

Mia: more fun and cuddles with Mia today. Bless her! :)
College: I got to college at 8:30 this morning - half an hour later than normal! And I don't even have to start until 9am! I've done research practically all day - even the one scheduled lesson I had today I ended up doing research! The result is I now have 30+ pages of research for my FMP to cut and stick in my sketchbook over the Easter break - which starts tomorrow.
Life: this evening I have mostly watched BBC iPlayer but anxiety got to me this evening. Whilst depression softens me up by making me all sad, it's anxiety that really moves in for the kill! It's anxiety that tells me the world's about to come to crushing end so I may as well kill myself now! It's anxiety that makes me want to run away and never come back! And it's anxiety that is making me go to bed early tonight so I can go to sleep and stop my anxiety hurting me!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today, for the umpteenth day in a row, is fun and cuddles with Mia. It's been my one true joy today!

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

29th March 2016

Mia: more playing and cuddles with Mia today. Couldn't be happier! :)
College: I got to college early to print off my research for my FMP - except that it took longer than I expected and then I ran out of print credits so had to buy some more which was a rigmarole in itself! Anyway, I had them in time for my graphics lesson so was able to show my tutor. I was the only one in graphics today so had a one-to-one and had a good conversation about what I wanted to do - and what I could do. There was no drawing lesson today though so that left me at a spare end. After college, I went into Liverpool to get a sketchbook for my FMP and concluded that I wanted to do a designer toy and something about grief. So the next step is to see how I can marry those two up somehow.
Life: I arrived home to find a copy of Asylum magazine on my (non-existent) doormat. It contained cartoons I'd done for it. I had prime position too - inside front cover - and it was in colour! - so the first thing you see when you open the magazine are my cartoons! :) This evening I watched iPlayer whilst playing with Mia. :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is playing with Mia. She brings such joy into my life! :)

Monday, 28 March 2016

28th March 2016

Mia: I have had a ball with Mia today! We played for a good half hour this morning and this evening it was like she couldnt get enough of me! All the love and cuddles she wanted! :)
Life: this morning I did the weekly food shop but forgot my shopping list! :( This afternoon I set-up my easel at long last (I got it at Christmas!) in the spare bedroom, moved all my canvases, paints and brushes in there and did a bit more work on one of my canvases for my promised exhibition. I'm pleased with what I've done on it so far. :) This evening I watched Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes and Hope Floats whilst doing a page in my colouring book. I liked the music in Hope Floats quite a bit! I will have to look for the soundtrack on Spotify. :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is time spent with Mia. She is such a joy to be with! :)

Saturday, 26 March 2016

26th March 2016

Mia: Mia has been an absolute sweetie this evening! :) She came up and gave me several cuddles between sleeps. I love her to death! :)
Life: this morning I discovered a whole load of levels of Angry Birds I'd not played before. So breakfast was somewhat delayed as I didn't even get out of bed until 10am! Once I had got out of bed and sorted myself out, I headed into Liverpool for an 'open studio' at Big Love Sista. I started off doing a bit of Art Journaling and showed Hilary how to do it too and then I did a mixed-media canvas. I didn't really know what I wanted to do with the canvas so just experimented and I think most of it ended up on the newspaper protecting the table but I was really happy with what I ended up with. What was interesting though was I was doing a figure - some said it was my aura - but then Sandra spotted that, upside down, it looked like a wolf and I liked that idea much more so that's what I did! However, as I sprayed it with so much water, it didn't dry in time for me to finish it so I took it home and finished it here whilst 'watching' The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood on Amazon. Anyway, backing up a bit, after the session at the studio, I caught the bus home - except it came on to rain so hard I had to take shelter in a doorway. I'd not seen it rain that hard since I was in Montreal in 1997! As Terry Pratchett wrote in one of his books, it was like a sea with holes in!
One Thing: you'll have to forgive me being vague on this one because I don't want to open a can of worms but on my way to the studio I made someone very happy and the look of delight on their face was a joy to behold! And all for 29p! :)