Thursday, 30 July 2015

30th July 2015

Love: I love todays like today! A day that makes me feel I'm part of something that will make not just my life but the lives of a huge number of people better (even if it is just talking about it). Long may it continue that I am part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
Life: Today was the Navajo Hate Crime conference. I, with Renate and Phil, facilitated the Older LGBTQI workshops and a great learning experience it was for me too! :) I feel a great deal of good has come of today and I have spent this evening writing up my report to be fed back for further use. However, this being MY blog, I feel I can put my critical head on and state that I was left with a tinge of sadness about the panel of agencies/services that we are being encouraged to report hate crimes to. It was clear which were only paying lip service to improvement or didn't fully grasp the enormity of the task facing them and which did. However, the real nugget of disappointment - that I responded to with uttering a profanity to my colleague! - came when a representative of a service made a joke about being 'female at weekends'! I'm not going to mention this person's name or what service they were representing (and they're retiring anyway!) as they are but one person and I don't want one person to colour impressions about a whole organisation. However, even though they knew instantly that they shouldn't have said it and immediately apologised and backtracked, I feel it gives a flavour of the task ahead of us - that someone, if only for a moment, feels it is OK to make a TRANSPHOBIC joke at a HATE CRIME CONFERENCE!! It was stated in the workshops that we need to be intolerant of intolerance for real change to happen but that one incident shows that we (and I do include myself, obviously) are a long way from taking that zero tolerance approach.
Career: Being as affected as I was today by the workshops on Older LGBTQI People: the call for closer community working; bridging the generations; this evening I have volunteered my services to assist to do just that and work with the older LGBTQI generations. I will await with anticipation where this leads me. :)

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

28th July 2015

Love: Been really tired today but, thankfully, I had Mia to cuddle up to and snooze with. She's such a darling! I love her to pieces! :)
Life: I took Amore back to station first thing and then I relaxed a bit before having lunch and going to my teaching session. Unfortunately, I was clearly not with it as I'd picked up the wrong bag - which I only noticed it when I arrived! So I then had to explain and apologise and they were very gracious and suggested I cancel this month's lesson. Still, I felt such an idiot and disappointed I'd let all the women down. :( After that, I went and booked my car in to have the front passenger wheel looked at AGAIN! It's the fourth time I've taken it in now! I just hope they bloody find what it is this time! :( Then I did food shopping and had tea before heading to bed again for another snooze. I then went to choir even though I was in two minds to - the snooze seemed much more appealing! But I was glad I went because we were in excellent voice tonight and Clare was back from the USA too! :)
Career: The holiday continues.

Monday, 27 July 2015

27th July 2015

Love: I love being back home in the place I love with the cat I love. There's no place like home. :)
Life: today was the journey home and, apart from a door malfunction delaying the train from Brighton to London by ten minutes (I know! First world problems, huh!), all went well. Amore was there to meet me at Lime Street and we caught train back to Birkenhead North and got taxi home. Then after a quick respite and plenty of cuddles with Mia, we went out for tea at the Hungry Horse. As I'd stuffed myself on sweets on the train home, I wasn't feeling that hungry so I didn't have a cakeaway (shock horror!). So I let Amore discover the delights of the Mars Attacks all to herself! :) then it was back home for more chilling and more cuddles with Mia before I went to bed. Then we've just had a power cut but, thankfully, it was only a brief one.
Career: I'm not going into work this week. The only work I have this week is a teaching session tomorrow afternoon. :)

Sunday, 26 July 2015

26th July 2015

Love: I'm missing Mia. I caught myself gazing fondly at her photos just now. Ah well, we will be back in each other's company tomorrow :) xx
Life: Today started with a visit to the pavilion and art gallery/museum. I wasn't impressed that the art gallery/museum charged non-Brightonians entry. I thought art galleries/museums had to be free to the public these days? But, anyway, I paid up and had a look around. It was rather hit and miss and there are far better art galleries/museums imho but it killed an hour or two. I then went to Pompoko (a Japanese restaurant) for Sunday lunch before heading over to the Marlborough pub/theatre for a bit. Whilst there I was hit with inspiration for my next craft project - my Liverpool Pride costume - so I wandered up St James Street to look for bits for it (more luggage to take home!). I only have a week to make it too! I then wandered over to Benny's flat but it was raining, so I was soaked by the time I arrived. He kindly offered to dry my coat though so that was much appreciated. I also met up with Benny's boyfriend, Squid, again and was introduced to their friend, Emma. It was lovely just to sit and chill for a bit. :) For tea, Benny, Squid and myself went to a Japanese restaurant for tea - I had something different than what I had for dinner. In fact, I insisted on it! Sadly, it'd got to 7:30pm by the time we'd finished tea and I had to get back and pack. So my visit to Benny was nowhere near as long as I would've liked. I said yesterday, I don't want to leave Brighton but today I'm left wanting to come back asap to meet up with Benny, Squid and Phoenix again! I'm missing them already! :(

25th July 2015

Love: I love Brighton. I love the fact I can walk a mile along the seafront at 10pm and not be bothered by any drinken yobs. I love the fact I can get a taxi at 1pm in the morning and find a taxi whose driver knows about Trans Pride and get all the terminology right! I love the fact I can see theatre that blows my mind and entertains my socks off - and it doesn't even have to take place in a theatre! But most of all, I love the fact that Brighton is challenging my preconceived ideas; that it has robbed me of my language to describe gender and I'm now having to delve deeper to try and understand what I mean when I say things like "manly" and "femme"; that I'm having to analyse what it is about certain types of people that makes my heart flutter and race. I really don't want to leave! If I leave, I will return back to my 'safe little world' (which, in comparison to Brighton, isn't safe at all!) and stop being challenged and thus get lazy and stop the development of my thinking. I feel, if I stay here, I can be a better person. So I really don't want to leave! But leave Monday morning, I know I must. :(
Life: Today was Trans Pride. It started for me by buying equipment for the Art lesson I was gonna give in the afternoon. Then I went up to Dorset Gardens church for the volunteers briefing before heading across the road to get an ice cream and then down to the Marlborough pub/theatre for the start of the march. As I stood and waited and people started to arrive and arrive and arrive(!), I got goosepimples! It was just so empowering to see so many Trans people all in one place at one time, ready to stand tall and make a noise! I'm so used to Trans people trying to pass unnoticed that the absolute opposite was just too fucking awesome for words! :) After the march, I did my Art lesson. I love teaching, so I was thrilled to be asked to teach at Trans Pride! I really enjoyed it and the students seemed to too and said they found it therapeutic, so I couldn't have asked for better than that! :) After the lesson, I lounged in the park watching the acts on the stage. I was really pleased that they had a mixture of music, poetry and speakers. The best thing, as it was last year, is that it really feels like a community event for the community, with no strings or attitude attached! It just made me feel so proud! Especially for my friend, Phoenix, and others of the Trans Pride committee who'd worked so hard to put these four days of Trans Pride together! At about 4pm, I arrived back at the B&B and refreshed and rested before heading out for tea. I dined at a Greek taverna just at the end of the block where the B&B is. I had seflatis (I think they were called!) and they were lovely! I wish I'd found the taverna earlier cos I would've liked to have dined there again (trying Japanese tomorrow). Then I headed for the town hall to watch the photo screening of the Trans people of Brighton and bumped into Phoenix again. Again, I found it really empowering to see Trans people being the focus of attention - beamed 12ft high on the town hall no less! - and it was really lovely to see the modesty of the 'photographees' as their photos went up! :) Afterwards, I tagged along with Phoenix and some of their friends to a club for the official Trans Pride party. I'm 42 and was feeling tired, so I wasn't really sure if it was a good idea to go clubbing but I'm so glad I did! I really enjoyed myself! And I loved the fact they mixed up the tunes with cabaret spots - and not just any old cabaret but really imaginative and daring cabaret! It truly blew my mind! :) At about 1am, I was feeling pooped, so caught a taxi home and now it is Sunday morning and I'm tired but I have just had the most awesome time! This is what Pride should do - make you glad to be alive! Long may Trans Pride continue! :)

Friday, 24 July 2015

24th July 2015

Love: I love how spontaneous life can be. Yesterday, I walked into Brighton shopping centre and stopped dead when I saw a poster for Roy Ayers playing live tonight! I presumed he'd died years ago! But, nope, he's alive and well and in good spirits! And I know that cos I bought myself a ticket and have been to see him tonight! It's fantastic when a legend lives up to their status! :)
Life: Today I headed to North Laines cos I wanted a top for tonight (cos I knew it would be hot and sweaty in the club and wouldn't want to wear the top again without washing it). Having found and purchased top, I had a mooch around the rest of the North Laines area before heading to seafront to buy some fudge and rock (so much for travelling light!) plus some postcards for the art lesson I'm giving tomorrow at Trans Pride. :) Then I headed back to the B&B to prepare art lesson before heading out for tea and concert.

Thursday, 23 July 2015

23rd July 2015

Love: This evening I enjoyed a double bill of imaginative theatre in aid of Trans Pride Brighton. The first half was basically an art craft TV program with a huge screen in front of the performer so you couldn't see them. It didn't all work but it was imaginative and entertaining. The second half was a performance about transition. The words were excellent and empowering/inspiring in places but the performance was more hit and miss, I felt, and the bit where they threatened to chop their fingers off with an axe almost made me bolt from the theatre!
Life: I awoke at 6am this morning to start my journey to Brighton on the train. Unfortunately, the train was delayed getting into London by 40 mins because the track had a broken rail on it so they had to use the local routes. Thankfully, I'd left 2 hours to get my connecting train and managed to get there with enough time for a sit down in a nearby cafe with a fruit and veg smoothie. I arrived in Brighton at just gone 2pm and then walked to my B&B which is quite impressive as they offer free cake! :) I then went to a nearby pub for tea and had the cracked crab special but it wasn't cooked long enough and they brushed off my complaint so I shan't be going there again! :( then I went to theatre for above mentioned performance.
Career: Who's thinking about work?!! I'm on holiday!!

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

22nd July 2015

Love: Mia has been a little darling today. I shall miss her dearly this weekend away. :(
Life: Amore arrived this afternoon to cat sit for me. However, as the local cinema offers tickets for £5 and the meerkats are offering 2 for 1 ticket codes, I persuaded Amore to go see Ant-Man with me. It was a very good film for £2.50! Afterwards we dined at La Tosca and had tapas for tea with mango sangria, which was lovely! And then did some shopping at Morrisons before coming home. This evening I have started packing for the weekend. I've had to split it into two bags because it was too heavy for just the one! I better not buy anything whilst I'm away or I shall never manage!
Career: Long weekend now until I'm back on Tuesday.

Monday, 20 July 2015

20th July 2015

Love: Sometimes love is doing something you don't want to do; something that perhaps the object of your affection doesn't want you to do but you do it anyway... because it's the right thing to do and you love them. It was never harder than when, 3 days before he died, I accepted I had to stop fighting for John to live. Giving Mia her flea treatment like tonight is easy in comparison but still unpleasant for the both of us.
Life: Having last night come to the conclusion that being an 'unpaid worker' for the rest of my life was financially impossible, I decided to spend today looking at my budget and seeing where I could make savings. With the help of a few price comparison websites, I think I've managed to save myself a bundle! I also did some totting up and realised I had £350 a month for spending money. Provided I stick to my plan to live as frugally as possible that should be manageable - even though I know it won't realistically happen until September when 'Pride Season' is over.
Career: This morning was another morning volunteering at CAW. It feels peculiar to surf Facebook for a job but that is basically what I'm doing at the moment. It's tough work but someone has to do it! :)

Sunday, 19 July 2015

19th July 2015

Love: I love life. I may have to revisit my budget but, so far, life is good! :)
Life: today has been a mixture of housework and watching films - one of which was Longford, about Lord Longford and his campaigning for Myra Hindley. Watching the film, I came to the conclusion that both Hindley and Brady liked to control others. Where Brady liked to see people suffer, Hindley liked to make people think she was a good person. Unfortunately, I think Lord Longford got played. However, the film did raise one interesting point - did we punish Hindley for being a woman? Its something I've had mentioned to me in passing at Tomorrow's Women - that women get punished more harshly than men for the same crimes. I wonder, because we expect women to be "sugar and spice", that, when they're anything but, we react to that rather than in a calm headed, balanced, manner. It's my experience that this extends much further than crime - women are always viewed harshly when they don't conform to what is considered "feminine". Just look at how they satirised Thatcher in Spitting Image! (Whatever you think of her politics) And this of course forms the backbone to a lot of transphobia to Trans women too. Women may've got the vote but they sure haven't got equality yet!
Career: Not much to say on that today.

Saturday, 18 July 2015

18th July 2015

Love: I love John. He died over two years ago now? What does that mean? What do the 12 years I spent with him mean? I have been through much but I remember little. That worries and upsets me.
Life: this morning I cycled to the library and back. I borrowed a book on the history of murder and one of poetry. I also got details of art and craft groups to join. The afternoon was spent finishing off my craft project and watching iPlayer/Netflix. For tea I made chicken domburi and fed Mia her worming tablet. I also have booked a place on a poetry writing course at Liverpool Uni. It doesn't start until October so maybe my brain will be functioning better by then. I am now in bed, listening to PJ Harvey - an artist I haven't listened to for perhaps a decade.
Career: Life is good so far. I don't know why I was so scared. This is, after all, what women have done for millennia - except they often didn't have a choice in the matter and had a husband and kids to look after. I am a childless widow.

Friday, 17 July 2015

17th July 2015

Love: Life is good. :)
Life: today was my second day of rest. I did the grocery shopping, worked a bit more on my craft project and watched lots of Netflix. Ian also came around in the afternoon and stained my decking for me. It took him 3 hours! Still, rather him than me! Mia was rather uncooperative though and, in the end, I had to carry her indoors, which she didn't enjoy at all!
Career: The best piece of advice I've had in the last week is that I'll have to get used to a new way of life now. It is true. If I carried on as though I had a wage, I'd soon run out of money! So I have to get used to not spending money and doing as much free stuff as possible.

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

15th July 2015

Love: I love my new haircut! (See Picasso interpretation) I was persuaded to have a hair consultation by Kirsteen with her friend, Andrea, as she would know what cut would suit my lifestyle and face shape. Well, I was so sold on the idea that I had it cut as well and it's come up trumps! Almost a third of my Facebook friends have said they like it too, so I'm far from the only one! I've also discovered that, because of the way Andrea's cut it, I can wear it like half a dozen different ways just from the way I brush it! :)
Life: After a couple of hours volunteering and getting my hair cut, I went into town and got my eyebrows waxed. Then it was back home where I've watched a couple of films. So no 'spiritual' stuff as yet but it was nice to just chill and cuddle Mia! :)
Career: Today was my first day of unpaid employment at CAW. I did a bit of social media for a couple of hours before going to my hair appointment. I now have the rest of the week off to relax and get my shit together before I'm back again on Monday. :)

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

14th July 2015

Love: I love the jewelry I was given today as a leaving present. I was presented with a necklace and a bracelet and they're both stunningly beautiful! I can't believe people have been as generous as they have!
Life: after work, I went into Liverpool and had a wander around the World Museum - one of Liverpool's fabulous museums - and had a look at the Mayan exhibition which was mind blowing! And then the aquariums, which I always enjoy; seeing the beautiful and colourful fish. Then I went to Waterstones intending just to kill some time but found myself buying 3 books from the 'Spiritual' section! As I was walking up to Damas for tea, I ruminated on the books I'd chosen, concluding "I don't really do heavy reading - I do heavy thinking!". Damas was very nice again. I couldn't resist the pastries again - spinach, onion and pine nuts tonight. Yum! :) Then it was over to choir for another thoroughly enjoyable 90 mins of song and laughter! :)
Career: So today was my last paid day of employment. It was weird having everyone make a fuss of me leaving. As I kept telling them, I'm back again tomorrow morning! It's nice to feel that I'm valued though. :)

Monday, 13 July 2015

13th July 2015

Love: I have pretty much got through today because of Mia. She gave me much excitement escaping through the top window (downstairs, thankfully!) and then this evening we have cuddled up together on the couch. I don't know what I'd do without her sometimes! xxx
Life: today I have finished off my mask, watched lots of House and the latest Neill Blomkamp movie, CHUCKiE. I'm not a huge fan of 'crash, bang, whallop' movies but Blomkamp's movies always give you something to think about. For example, his previous movie, Elysium, totally changed my view on immigration. CHUCKiE got me to reflect on juvenile delinquency but didn't really change my mind about it.
Career: Penultimate day of paid employment today. No idea what my future holds but I need to remember why I'm doing this and not be so hard on myself.

Sunday, 12 July 2015

12th July 2015

Love: I love my parents. If I didn't, I wouldn't still be here. Fact!
Life: today I have been continuing with my latest craft project, adding a few decorative touches to my home, trying to cuddle Mia (she won't let me) and watching bad films. I also made sushi for tea. Not a bad Sunday overall. :)
Career: I don't want to be a vicar, I know that much. The rest of my career options are still pretty much a mystery though.

Saturday, 11 July 2015

11th July 2015

Love: I love cake. There, I've said it! Let me deny it no more! Let me take pride in my love of cake and own it! I've had two large slices today and I'm not ashamed! Cake is yum! :)
Life: Today I spent a little time at Sparkle (a Trans version of Pride) and it has left me unsettled. I feel alien to that scene and I'm tempted to say I don't understand it but I know that can't be true because I used to be part of it. I'm being rather judgemental of the people who were there and I don't like the judgements I'm making, so I won't share them publicly. I'm trying to use the Gather The Women mentality and work out what my judgment says about me but I've not reached any conclusions yet. Perhaps I just don't want to 'go there' and 'own it' for fear of what it does say about me?? Ah well, maybe by morning I'll have reached some conclusions. My brain doesn't feel restful so I probably won't get much sleep until I do.
Career: One of the talks I attended today was by Sylvia Lancaster on how she came to form SOPHIE. It struck me that here's this woman standing in her own power, head of a national charity as though she were born to the role but, actually, if it weren't for the brutal murder of her daughter she would probably never have been in that role. It just goes to show that you never can predict what plans the universe has for you. I hope for nothing as drastic as that myself but I'm pretty confident the universe is pushing me in a direction that will, in due course, see me finally harness my full power.

Friday, 10 July 2015

10th July 2015

Love: I love the faith my friends have in me. They seem to think that everything will be OK and I'll emerge a stronger/better person. Their faith gives me hope this isn't all a huge mistake!
Life: today I came home at 2pm because I was bored at 'work'. It caused me to reflect that, as much as I love my job, it bores me; that I actually need to be challenged - something I've avoided as much as I can up to now. Then I did the food shopping and worked a bit more on my mask - all it needs now is red wool for the hair.
Career: reflecting that I need to be challenged in my career, I wondered what my ideal job would look like. The results surprised me: I want to work outdoors and work for myself (because no matter who I work for, their interests will always be the company before me). But, actually, this chimes with the dreamboard I created with Clare.

Thursday, 9 July 2015

9th July 2015

Love: I love being creative! You could take everything else away from me but I'd still find happiness in being creative! :)
Life: Today is my dad's 71st birthday. How did he get so old so fast?!! I'm sure he was only 50 something like last week! Shit! I'm only 8 years away from being 50 myself!! Yikes! This afternoon I worked some more on my 2 ongoing craft projects. One is a mask, which has been surprisingly cathartic, and the other is top secret! Shh! This evening I have been trying to help Tony out with his guest list for his Hate Crime conference at the end of the month. I've spent 3 hours on it tonight and I'm only like a quarter of the way through the emails!
Career: 3 more days of paid employment to go. Then I must learn how to live doing absolutely nothing!

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

8th July 2015

Love: Mia, Mia, Mia! :)
Life: this afternoon Ian from work came around again to take a look at the weeds. He says he'll clear them all for £20 which is a bargain as far as I'm concerned! :) This evening I started another craft project but I'm not allowed to say what it is yet as its a birthday surprise for someone! I also finished off a poem I started two months ago about Mia. :)
Career: today I finished work at 11:30am as I took an hour off in lieu. Then I came back to start voluntary stuff at 12:30pm. It makes sense to someone somewhere, I'm sure! 4 days of 'employment' left now.

Monday, 6 July 2015

6th July 2015

Love: There's these little yellow creatures that speak gobbledygook that serve the most despicable people in the world. They're fab! You should definitely check them out! :)
Life: Today started at 7:00am when I wrote to my MP, prepared my tea, did the laundry and had breakfast. Then I went to work (in clothes) and then, after work, I came home again before going to the cinema to watch Minions, which was laugh out loud funny pretty much all the way through! :) Then I came home for tea, watched Netflix and recorded a video of me reciting one of my poems (a performance poet I am not!). Shortly, I shall be going to bed.
Career: A short and sharp shift this morning. 6 days left now until unemployment. Destitution may follow!

Sunday, 5 July 2015

5th July 2015

Love: this weekend has been lovely! So lovely in fact, I'm now feeling a little deflated. Thank goodness I have choir on Tuesday to lift my spirit again. :)
Life: today I gave Amore a quick drive around west Wirral so she could see difference between East and west. Then I took her to the station and said my goodbyes. Then I went to do shopping and have just loafed on the sofa this evening watching House. It is now 8pm and I'm in bed, slightly depressed, watching War Horse (my own copy, dad). It's been a lovely weekend and I can't quite believe all I've packed in this last 7 days. No wonder I'm tired!
Career: still 7 working days until I'm unemployed.

Saturday, 4 July 2015

4th July 2015

Love: Day 2 of Boudoir reunion. It was awesome! :)
Life: today started with 'cake breakfast' with the Sistas at a lovely cake shop called Caz's Kitchen. It was awesome! I've never tasted cake quite so divine as these! :) Then we pootled around some vintage and charity shops - I managed to avoid buying anything! - and then headed to the beach. But it was far too windy for me and I really wasn't enjoying myself so I didn't hang around long. Then it was back into town for an early tea at Mowgli (yet another fantastic restaurant on Bold Street!) before we had a quick wander down to the docks to have a look at the Very Big Catwalk record breaking attempt. Then back home, chilling out on the sofa before heading to bed.
Career: 7 working days to unemployment. Is life going to get juicy or am I going to get squeezed?!!

Friday, 3 July 2015

3rd July 2015

Love: I love being with my Sistas. They make life worth living. :)
Life: This afternoon I picked Amore up from the station and gave her a whistle stop your of NE Wirral - a bit more than I intended actually but never mind! Then, this evening, we had our Boudoir reunion which was really powerful, just to sit with such amazingly powerful and inspirational women and share our experiences since March. Then we went out for a meal together which was lovely. Over my gnocchi I ruminated over how life could be so much different if John hadn't died because, no mistake about it, I would not have been motivated to move to Merseyside and get involved in so much inspirational and amazingly good stuff! I wouldn't even have had counselling with Pat and sorted so much of the 40year baggage I'd been carrying around with me! It's incredible that something that felt life ending at the time has prompted me to discover this amazing, rewarding and humbling new life for myself! Wow! Just wow! :D
Career: I was in just for the morning today. Just 7 more days of employment now.

Thursday, 2 July 2015

2nd July 2015

Love: the universe has presented me with one hell of a dilemma! If all the stars align, and Lady Lucky Duck smiles at me, and I cross all my fingers and toes and arms and legs, I could have my dream job presented to me on a plate! However, I know my body is screaming at me to "just fucking rest!". In a way, though, it's a lovely dilemma to have and far better than having no options at all!
Life: Today was Day 3 of Circle training. It was a humid night and I wasn't alone in being "wobbly". Then we all had to go out on Liverpool high street and hand flowers out to random strangers! I was screaming inside, "please don't make me do this!" but once I got out and started it was actually quite lovely! :) However, the night ended on a bad note for me when I lacked the courage to speak genuinely in the closing Circle. As I blogged yesterday, Circle doesn't really work for me if I'm not genuine. So I'm pretty annoyed with myself for blowing the opportunity tonight.
Career: see above. Plus I have three other offers on the go! But, as I say, all I want to do is rest!

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

1st July 2015

Love: I love coming together for women's Circles. Whether it's Gather The Women or Big Love Sista, I love it! Daily life encourages you to be fake - Circles encourage you to be genuine. In fact, it doesn't really work if you're not! Of course, this means Circle isn't for everyone but I find it's actually pretty infectious - once you start being genuine, it's difficult to stop! This does not always make you friends but it is usually rewarding.
Life: Today was day 2 of Circle training. Today we had Tony come in to do a bit of Equality & Diversity training. Whilst I was at the Big Love Sista studio, I picked up one of Clare's Mama Cards. The cards are meant to help you in times of adversity, I think. So I took home the one I rejected most to evaluate why. It's The Cocoon Weaver card. The part that made me bristle most reads "I know that to be able to show up fully in the world I must take time out for myself". I don't know why I reject it so strongly as I do. It's gonna need some considerable amount of honest reflection.
Career: today, as well as my usual shift and a few hours overtime, we agreed on what we're doing for the staff development day next week. It seems we're going to go for a walk, play some sport and have a picnic. It should be fun - provided it doesn't rain! The week after, I become 'unemployed'.