Random

One of the things I've sometimes heard trans people get called is "Random". It's a fairly new one on me but I think it's meant in terms of "hard to define" or possibly "flakey".
So, just to prove the point, here's some "random" thoughts I've had about being trans...

1. I wish I was dead!
2. Transitioning is the best decision I ever made.
3. Why must you be so needy? If you keep on taking, soon there’ll be nothing left!
4. There is no ‘real’ me. The ‘real’ me does not exist. There’s only a “me” I prefer to be. And I prefer to be this.
5. How do I make being trans work for me?
6. I love being trans sometimes!
7. What is the ‘real’ me? The ‘real’ me is what I see and my memory.
8. Trans people who step away from the fight to make life better for other trans people really annoy me!
9. I don’t want to swap one straightjacket for another.
10. Just because things are great for you doesn’t mean they are for everyone else!
11. Did you transition just so you could be congratulated for doing so?
12. Why must you be so self-absorbed? Can’t you see I’m suffering here!
13. I didn’t choose to be a transsexual. It’s not like I woke up one morning and thought, “What I really need in my life is to be ridiculed, misunderstood and hated!”.
14. It’s better to be hated for being truthful than being loved for being a liar.
15. All publicity is good. Even bad publicity can be used for good.
16. Damn, I look good!
17. The word “normal” promotes discrimination. As soon as you label something as “normal”, you automatically label something else as “abnormal”.
18. Some trans people don’t want to be involved in trans activism in case it outs them as trans. It’s ridiculous! I don’t shy away from civil rights for fear it outs me as white! 
19. If you know something is unjust why would you not try to right it? Just how selfish do you have to be!
20. When people say they want to be “normal”, I wonder what makes them think they’re not already!
21. Of course you have the right to live your life as you see fit but that doesn’t mean you have the right to live it uncriticised.
22. Why are some trans-activists so egotistical? If I help people it’s simply to help them out not to boast about it afterwards!
23. I don’t wear women’s clothes. I wear my clothes!
24. I don’t know how to cope with being trans.
25. Some trans women say they want to distance themselves from the LGBT community to go lead “normal” lives. It’s like they think lesbians aren’t leading “normal” lives or something!
26. Being trans doesn’t stop me being human.
27. This is a dream come true!
28. We trans people are pioneers. After all, very few people will have a clue what a trans person is let alone met one!
29. The word “trans” relates to me the same way it does to the Atlantic Ocean. 
30. Perhaps I ought to get a job at Funny Girls??

The Truth: My Gender Identity

(Please read this after the previous post - The Preamble - below)
It has taken a long time for me to come to terms with my gender identity and I proclaim it now with the same reservations I've had since starting on this voyage of discovery more than thirty years ago - I fear the truth being used against me.
But, as I once said, "It's about time I learned that it's better to be hated for being truthful than being loved for being a liar" and this is delivered in that spirit.
So...
Unlike some transsexuals who proclaim knowing they were "trapped in the wrong body" from an early age, I have no such recollections. In fact, I have very few solid memories at all and even the ones from yesterday are a haze!
However, what I have are memories of things that happened that I have redefined in later life to mean more than perhaps they did at the time.
Thus, I remember being at nursery and being told off for trying on a lady's hat from the dressing-up box. Was this me expressing my innate femininity or just a toddler messing about?
I can remember being around 8 years old and being invited to a friend's fancy dress party and wanting to wear make-up. Did I ask to be a clown because I was too afraid of expressing my femininity or because I genuinely wanted to be a clown? I have no recollections of liking clowns before or since... whereas I have many where I wanted to be a girl.
I can remember my mum telling me when I was around 11 years old that I would have to wear tights as part of a fancy dress costume she was making and, instead of being horrified at the proposal, welcoming it and thinking it only right and proper that I should wear tights. Surely this points to my flourishing female identity? I would certainly think so since it soon lead to my first intentional crossdressing experiences.
However, where I have memories of wanting to express a female identity through my appearance at this age, I have none of feeling "trapped in the wrong body".
I can remember being at unease with my flourishing male body but I have always associated this with the feelings every person goes through during puberty and I see no reason to redefine them any other way.
However, where I did feel trapped was in the illusion that society hated me.
I didn't know it was an illusion at the time of course, and so I lived for the next 25 years hating myself for what I believed was wrong with me - and when you hate yourself you don't give anyone else an excuse to join in with you! So I resisted revealing my desires to anyone else until, 17 years later, I could not keep it bottled up any more and I came out as a transvestite.
Yes, a transvestite - not a transsexual. As far as I was concerned, transsexuals were those freaks who wanted to live as a woman! So I couldn't possibly be a transsexual when I had no desire to be a woman and in fact, if I had my way, I wouldn't crossdress ever again!
But the desire to crossdress wouldn't go away and only got stronger and stronger until I was struggling to control it at all! Things got to such a head that I would come home from work in tears because I'd spent the day tortured by my desire!
I wasn't stupid, I knew this was no way to live. So I sought counselling and I didn't like what I discovered about myself. My worst fears were confirmed - I hated having a male body and I wanted to live as a female 24/7!
I've spent the last three years coming to terms with that - and transitioning was part of that process. But whilst I dislike my male body and I obviously want to live as a female 24/7, I don't feel - and never have felt - "trapped in the wrong body".
I think my feelings on this have been shaped by the fact I was born with deformed legs and feet. I would never dream of saying I'm trapped in the wrong body just because I wasn't born with a physically perfect one. I feel exactly the same way about being born with a male body: I wasn't born into the wrong body. I was born into a physically imperfect one.
However, gender identity doesn't rest solely on our physical bodies - if it did I'd be quite happy living as a male! - but also includes how we feel in relation to our bodies.
And this is where I may have some genuine news for you - just as I'm not bothered with having my legs or feet fixed, I'm not bothered about having my sex fixed either. In fact, I'm quite resistant to it.
Instead I find myself slowly accepting that just because I dislike my male body and want to live as a woman 24/7 doesn't automatically mean I have to re-align my body to a female one. I can leave things exactly as they are.
In fact, when I'm happy living without medical intervention (and, in fact, find myself resistant to it), I would say that was a very sensible thing to do.
Which brings me to the subject of my gender identity:
Considering that I dislike my male body but don't want to re-align it to a female one, you might consider it to be an enigma.
In which case, I'll ask you to read the above post again and pay closer attention this time!

Addendum (17th March 2012): Just forced myself to look at my naked body in the mirror and I was wrong. So so wrong! I feel a bit of a plonker for not doing that BEFORE posting the above but at least I know better now.

The Truth: The Preamble

Growing up ashamed of yourself as I did takes an awful lot of adjustment when you finally realise you have nothing to be ashamed of.
For instance, I can look in John's eyes, see that he loves me more than I will ever love myself, and feel not worthy of that love.
But this isn't limited to just John - I have similar feelings about anyone who likes me and I'm not sure I have ever accepted friendship or love unquestioningly.
At my worst, I feel there must be something wrong with anyone who likes me. I find it that hard to believe that I am a likeable - let alone loveable - person.
Which is odd, considering how much I've done to be loved and liked. I guess it seems more logical to me that to receive such kindness from people I must've done something to deserve it. And by "something" I don't just mean being myself - after all why would anyone like me for who I am? - but done someone a favour or an act of generosity.
But when I stop to consider why I like my friends or love my husband, I begin to recognise my double standards.
I like my friends and love my husband because of their personality not because they buy me presents or treat me to lunch or anything like that. Yes, part of their personality is that they're kind and generous and that is a very nice thing to be on the receiving end of, but that is not the be all and end all of why I like them.
For instance, the major reason why I like my friend Jayne is because she has an original way of looking at the world and isn't ashamed of it. This manifests itself in her sense of humour (which I can only describe as "off the wall"!), in her religious beliefs, in her political beliefs and in the way she approaches her day to day life. From her head to her toe, she is proud to be an individual and I admire her for that.
Now contrast that to myself and the insecurities I find so hard to overcome.
Now, as a reader of my blog (and perhaps also one of my friends on Facebook), you may find it hard to believe that I find it hard to express my opinions. But meet me face to face and the person you meet will almost certainly not match up to expectations formed from my online personality.
In person, I am not assertive and so I find it hard to vocalise my opinions because I fear being involved in the violence (which need not be physical) of an argument.
Thus, I have conducted the majority of my life, in what you might call "stealth" - I am the person keeping quiet, hoping no one notices me.
To assist me in this, I have often opted for a disguise of some sort. This involves suppressing who I really am and what I believe and choosing to present an appearance and opinions that I think will be more readily acceptable.
This is exemplified by the fact I chose to present myself as a heterosexual male for the majority of my life but it is also why, having found myself a social group who accept my true gender and sexual identities, I still suppress my differences to the common denominators I have identified.
This is incredibly dangerous. For, in trying to fit in, I am suppressing the truth and limiting knowledge.
For example, one major reason why I refused to accept that I am a transsexual is because I had a limited knowledge of what a transsexual was. Thus I could never hope to find the help that was available to me.
I was not going to go to a support group for transsexuals, I was not going to seek counselling for my gender dysphoria, and I was not going to go to a Gender Identity Clinic with the aim of seeking medical assistance, whilst I believed transsexuals were freaks and deviants. To do so would mean identifying myself as "one of them" and I most certainly did not want to do that!
Also, whilst I suppress the truth and limit knowledge about myself, I can never hope to have confidence that people like me for myself. How can they when they don't know who I really am!
So, without more ado, what this has all been leading up to is for me to come clean and share my truth, my whole truth and nothing but the truth about my gender identity. So please read the next entry above (such is the illogical way these blogs work!)...

Trying Something New

Sometimes I find it hard to keep an open mind.
For instance, because I was taught that homosexuality was a sin in my R.E. lessons at school and heard LGBT phobic preachings from Christians, I sometimes found it hard to believe that not all Christians are LGBT phobic. However, becoming friends with people who were loud and proud about being LGB and/or T AND Christian as well forced me to think again.
Even so, when I saw the advert requesting volunteers at The Salvation Army, I still wasn't sure. After all, The Salvation Army are evangelical Christians and evangelical Christians are supposedly the extremists of Christianity!
The Salvation Army's past also paints an unsavourary picture, being former supporters of Section 28 which banned the "promotion" of homosexuality in Scotland.
However, the advert was posted in the LGBT section so I presumed they must've changed their stance and I took a chance. And sure enough I have been welcomed with open arms!
I thoroughly look forward to my volunteer work at The Salvation Army as a mentor to beginners in computing and the internet. Not only that but it has also re-awoken my desire to teach professionally and I have now applied for a training course in teaching at Preston College.
And to think that all this happiness and friendship I've found at The Salvation Army AND the possibility of a new career could've been denied me if I'd stayed in my comfort zone, believing The Salvation Army would persecute me!
Slimming World was something else I wasn't sure about.
I knew I needed to lose weight but thought slimming clubs were a waste of time and money. I also wasn't sure how I'd be accepted - would they accept a trans woman to their ranks? But, on the strength of two friends' recommendations, I gave Slimming World a go.
Unlike The Salvation Army, I wasn't welcomed with open arms at first. They were definitely unsure about me to start with but I stuck with it and, being one of the most regular "losers", I began to win people around and formed some friendships.
I am now three stone lighter than when I started and I feel fantastic for it! All the health problems I had before with my ankles and knees and the IBS I was diagnosed with have all mysteriously vanished! All my clothes have also mysteriously grown in size (after having all mysteriously "shrunk in the wash"!) and I have a far better selection to choose from in the shops now I can fit into a size 14! I also have never enjoyed food so much since I started on this diet! You'd never think meringue and chocolate sauce on your breakfast every day would be possible but on the Slimming World diet it is! And I love it! And, most importantly, my mental health has also improved because I feel happier for being thinner and actually think I look pretty sexy, in my own way, when I look in the mirror!
So it saddens me now that I think I've reached the end of the road with Slimming World as I shall miss the friends I've made there. But I've achieved my goal and got back within the healthy range for my BMI so the motivation to lose more weight just isn't there.
However, the food I was introduced to by Slimming World is far too nice to give up! And that, by far, is the best thing I've got out of it - a new way of living! But, again, it could so easily have been denied me if I hadn't taken a chance and sought out Slimming World.
So I believe it's very important to keep an open mind and try something new and that is something that I put into practice far more than I ever did before.
It started with transitioning, of course, and nothing could be more of an example of trying something new than that! But, unlike some, it didn't stop after transitioning. I kept at it.
Not that I wasn't afraid of being "outed" and suffering transphobia first hand, but I didn't let my fears hold me back. I kept venturing into the unknown and every time I've been rewarded in more ways than I can easily quantify!
And life's just grand when you live it! :-)

A Lack Of Imagination

Something I've experienced as a trans woman is people unashamedly expressing a lack of imagination.
There are those who state "I can't imagine what it's like to be stuck in the wrong body", which is just lazy!
And then there are those who use their lack of imagination as a way to attack my reality, (i.e. because they can't imagine how a transsexual can exist they insist I'm fake), which is just plain rude!
So, in an effort to bring some life to their imagination, I will try to explain it in a way that they can relate to (or at least those that have had an education can anyway!).
So, there you are at school, maybe 5 years old, and you've just had your first science lesson and learned that the thing that makes apples fall from the trees is called gravity.
Your head is alive with new knowledge and you want to test it out. And, yes, sure enough every time you jump up in the air you come back down to earth again. You're feeling pretty smart and boast to your mum about your new found knowledge. But your mum, being an adult, knows more than you.
"Don't be silly", she says. "You're a bird and you can fly."
You're taken by surprise. You're pretty sure you're a human but your mum says you're a bird and your mum wouldn't lie to you so you must surely be a bird!
But maybe you'll just ask your friends to make sure.
"Yes, That's right!", they exclaim. "You are a bird. You didn't think you were human did you? How silly!"
So you're feeling pretty silly now and no one likes looking silly, so you stop questioning the commonly held wisdom that you're a bird. Furthermore, so as not to raise eyebrows, you go through life trying to act like a bird.
But, try as you might, it just doesn't quite come together for you. Sure you can eat worms and chirp and hop about just like a bird but, try as you might, you just can't fly. For whatever reason, gravity holds you down to earth just like a human which, if truth be told, just confirms what you've thought all along but know better than to express publicly. If only you could rid yourself of this foolish notion that you're human!
But the notion won't go away and it bugs you and bugs you and bugs you. Until one day you just can't stand it any more. You simply have to express your humanity or you'll go loopy!
And that is what it's like to be trans. It doesn't matter how much anyone argues with me, I will always have the gut instinct that they are wrong and I am right.
This isn't some foolish notion that I've picked up over night. It's an instinct I've had for as long as I can remember and nothing has ever made it go away.
The only thing that has changed is my relationship with my own knowledge - from one that was destructive to one that is healthy.
So I will have no truck with people who are so selfish as to want to make me sacrifice my health for their own pleasure. To do so would to be truly insane!

A Matter Of Opinion

I've just read an article on The Guardian website by Philippa Perry entitled Gender And The Tyranny Of The 'Normal'.
I have no great interest in the article and I think her idea that we should widen the scope of normality is flawed (unless she means we should widen it to such an extent that it becomes inapplicable!) but what I do take exception to are some of the comments below the article by readers of it.
I shan't bore you with responses to all the comments I find objectionable on the website - and I don't have the time or inclination to do so anyway! - so I will just take the first three as I think they are fine examples of the arrogance I find amongst the ignorant who find no difficulties arguing with people who know far more about the subject than they do... such as a psychotherapist married to a transvestite (i.e. Philippa Perry)!
First up is zeldalicious who states

We can believe ourselves to be anything our mind can invent but that doesn't make it so.

Well, seeing as the only reality that exists is the reality we perceive (i.e. that which our mind invents), I would be fascinated to know what does make it so!
Sadly, however, my fascination will have to remain unsated as the all-knowing zeldalicious does not provide us with an answer.
I can thus only presume that zeldalicious is a cowboy builder by trade, practiced as they clearly are in leaving a trail of destruction with no promise of repair!

Then there is thetrashheap whose name seems particularly apt when they make statements such as

Children need taught how to be adults

So, if I understand thetrashheap correctly, it's not OK for children to be children and do childish things but need to be taught how to be adults and how to do adult things. So, presumably, the law is an absolute ass when it stops our kids from smoking, drinking and driving cars! And as for sex... well, I'm sure Garry Glitter will be nodding his head in total agreement with thetrashheap!
Thetrashheap then comes up with a real doozy that I'm still trying to get my head around and may just have to admit defeat on! It states

women need taught how to be girls.

Well, hang on a minute! I thought you just said that children need to be taught how to be adults?? So presumably what you're proposing here is some kind of never ending loop of human evolution! That as soon as the female child learns how to act like a woman they need to learn how to be a child again and then back to learning to be an adult again and then a child again and on and on an on! Fuck! I'm exhausted just thinking about it!!
Our evolutionary theorist then offers up an entry for this year's No Shit Sherlock Awards   

Men and women aren't alike as adults.

But I have to admit that I am perplexed by the differentiation of adults from children in this instance but, then, perhaps I haven't paid as much attention to the bodies of children as our evolutionary theorist has??
It continues

They form friendships differently, on some issues they'll behave totally differently, they be into different things

Yup, girls are into flower arranging and playing with their dollies whereas boys like pulling the legs off spiders and stealing apples. That's beyond question isn't it??
(By the by, a word of advice to our evolutionary theorist - if you want to be taken seriously you're gonna have to lose that Norfolk accent. It's not "they be". It's "they are"!)  
And then we have another entry for the No Shit Sherlock Awards

puberty will be totally different 

Yes, that's why I found it somewhat traumatic! Thoughts of being female are somewhat distracted when you have an erect penis between your legs!
And on and on it goes...

Just because the differences aren't so stark before puberty doesn't mean we don't prepare them for what they will become.

Again, I shall have to bow to our evolutionary theorist's superior knowledge on children's bodies but I have to say I find it shocking that children are separated into male or female if the differences aren't defined before puberty!
I would also imagine that it makes it next to impossible to decide which children will be entered into the gender specific evolutionary loop our evolutionary theorist has defined for women. If only we could know for sure which were boys and which were girls it'd make it all so much easier!
But, hang on, what's this?

Also because of a few people born with gender dysphoria doesn't mean we set up society as gender nuetral

Well, fuck me! Our evolutionary theorist has managed to count how many gender dysphoric people there are in the world! Do you know how many studies there have been on gender dysphoric people and not one has managed to accurately count how many of them there are! And that's just in this country! Our evolutionary theorist has managed to do it across the whole world!! I think the bets are off for this year's winner of the Nobel Prize in Science, don't you!
So, having managed to define those born with gender dysphoria as being a mere few, it certainly makes sense that we don't set society up as gender neutral doesn't it! We have to make the effort to change it from the one thetrashheap's clearly identified as being gender unspecific before puberty into one clearly set up as male and female a mere 7 years later!
Our evolutionary theorist then leaves us with just one more nugget before he goes...

Boys especially do better in a pack with social convention and structure

OK, so I guess I was right all along. I am a girl!
So why the hell did they make me play with the boys all the time? Surely that's child cruelty! I'm going to consult my lawyer! There could be millions in this for me!

Our final contributor is Raffiruse who states

I wanted to be a T Rex, sadly society would not accept it, so I had to be a T Rex in secret.

So someone who clearly identifies with the trauma of gender dysphoria then. For like 99% of gender dysphoric people, I had to keep my desire secret too.
I couldn't proclaim it publicly because then I'd get fuckwits telling me I was wrong or perverted or maybe go so far as to brainwash me into being what THEY wanted me to be! Or maybe they'd take it upon themselves to kick the desire out of me or perhaps just have done and kill me!
So, yes, I certainly kept my desire secret for a long long while! It didn't matter that I was in mental torture pretending to be what others wanted me to be every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year of my God damned life! For at least I could then be guaranteed of still being alive - even if I didn't want to be!
No, it's far better to act out our desires in secret and not test society's patience with them.

I'm Not Normal

I broach the subject of "normality" with some reticence as I'm aware my stance on it tends to make some of my friends bristle. However, I feel the concept of "normality" is such a dangerous one that I feel compelled to tackle it again.
So let me now outline why I am prejudiced against the concept of "normality"...
I am a shortsighted trans female with deformed legs and feet. As such, I can never remember a time when I wasn't being punished for not fitting in with someone's idea of "normality". Whether it was being called "four eyes" or having my peers pretend to throw bread at my "pigeon toes" or being shoulder barged in Debenhams because someone took exception to my gender expression, I have regularly and repeatedly been judged and punished according to someone's idea of "normality".
So one can quite possibly see why I am predisposed against "normality".
However, being sensitive to the concept of "normality", has also made me painfully aware that it is not just me that it affects but, rather, that it affects everyone.
At any given moment, someone somewhere will be judging someone else according to their concept of "normality" and then modifying their behaviour accordingly. So, in reality then, the concept of "normality" is actually prejudice by a different name.
So you might expect members of any given minority to fight the concept of "normality" tooth and nail. For it is, after all, more than likely the concept of "normality" that has been used against them to deny them any number of rights and privileges.
However, I have found that is not the case.
I find time and time again minority groups defining their own ideals of "normality" and then using them against others.
I also have vast experience of minority groups using the concept of "normality" against themselves (as if experiencing prejudice from others wasn't enough for them!). And such is their apparent thirst for this prejudice that they actively seek it out as an ideal to live by!
And when I tackle them on this they even go so far as to defend the ideology that has subjected them to a life as a second class citizen! They truly can not see what is so wrong with being "normal"!
However, to my mind, they have confused the concept of "normality" with the concept of living a life free of prejudice. They have confused the disease with the cure! So instead of ridding themselves of prejudice they are in fact strengthening it.
Thus, at the risk of being tedious, I will state the case once again - we must rid ourselves of the concept of "normality" if we wish never to be subjected to it again.
It is that concept that has lead us to dehumanise our race time and time again and surely it is in our own interests to stop now.

How To Disguise The Male Body

Given how I am received by people who don't know I'm trans, I have assumed I make for a fairly convincing female.
I put this down to being lucky enough to look fairy androgynous to start with, having over a decade's experience of crossdressing and having the financial means to buy expensive treatments and 'equipment'.
Should you also wish to disguise a male body as a female one, I'm afraid I am unable to help you attain the lucky genes or the experience but I can provide a guide on what to spend your money on. And this is it...
First of all, let me come right out and say that I strongly recommend avoiding spending money on 'specialist' trans services wherever possible.
In my experience they are overpriced and not as helpful to our goal of looking female as finding an equivalent that doesn't cater exclusively to the trans community. So whilst they may be helpful when you lack confidence in your birth given right to be trans, once you find that confidence I recommend moving on as quickly as possible.
And where better to start than with the clothes? But what clothes help disguise a male body as a female one?
Well, thankfully the internet provides us with handy little tools like this one: Identifying Your Body Shape
From there we can work out what clothes we should buy to help us achieve that feminine body shape we all desire.

In my instance I find clothes that emphasise my bust and hips work best. So currently I like to dress like this.
The dress was from Topshop and the cardigan was from Wallis and, other than my breast forms, there is not an ounce of padding under my clothing. The illusion is achieved solely by the clothes I am wearing.
Speaking of breast forms, the internet has many providers to choose from. I chose mine from this site: Bustline. They were inexpensive (in comparison to 'specialist' trans sites), discreet, efficient and did not mind in the least that I am trans.
Once you have bought your breast forms you will need a bra to fit them. I would strongly recommend avoiding just buying a bra off the shelf but getting yourself measured properly.
Speaking to other trans women, I know of two shops on the British high street that will provide a discreet and efficient service - Debenhams and Marks & Spencer.
I went to Marks & Spencer and did not even bother to book first or even mention that I am trans. And this did not stop them from treating me just like any other customer.
As a result I have subsequently bought every bra I own from Marks & Spencer because I have confidence that I will find the service and products I desire there.
In fact, I buy all my underwear from Marks & Spencers as I do not bother with a gaff. I found gaffs extremely uncomfortable long term so simply wear a pair of control knickers to hold everything in place once I have "tucked".
Another difficulty for most trans females is finding large enough footwear that's also fashionable. Thankfully, as I'm around a size 6 (depending which shop I go to), I don't have that problem but I am aware that both Marks & Spencer and New Look do a wide fitting in larger sizes than most. I tend to favour these two anyway because I have deformed feet and find their footwear more comfortable than their competition.
Once you have the clothing sorted, I would recommend getting your hair right. If you are unlucky enough to have insufficient hair to at least style it androgynously, I would recommend visiting an understanding wig shop in person to get a wig fitted properly. They are cheaper online but a wig that's fitted properly - and cut and styled to suit your face rather than a generic one - is really worth spending the money on.
If, like me, you are able to grow your hair long then I would go along to a salon and have it styled professionally. It does take a bit of trial and error to find a hairdresser that fits in with your way of thinking and cuts your hair the way you want it but, of the three I've had, I've yet to find one who baulked at the fact I was trans.
Similarly, if you wish to have your eyebrows waxed or threaded, I have yet to find a salon who refused to serve me. And the same goes for manicures.
If you are serious about your female identity and maybe want to go full-time then I would recommend getting your "five o'clock shadow" sorted out. As far as I'm aware there are only two choices for permanently reducing your facial hair and that is either laser or electrolysis. I chose laser.
It is expensive and it does hurt but the difference is worth it's weight in gold! Before I started treatment, I would usually have to shave twice a day if I wanted to go out in the evening. These days, after 15 sessions, I can go three days without shaving and that makes a heck of a difference to your lifestyle when you're full-time!
And, finally, there is the make-up. I have left make-up to last because, to me, make-up is not an essential. Even before I went full-time and hadn't even started laser, I didn't always go out wearing make-up and I didn't draw any more attention to myself because of it! In fact, it is my belief that we run more risk of drawing attention to ourselves if we wear make-up than if we don't. Just look on your average high street and see how few women wear make-up these days, if you don't believe me!
However, there is no denying that wearing make-up is a special treat for special occasions. So, should you wish to learn how to get it right, then, to save time and money, I would recommend going to your local Mac store and getting a makeover. You may baulk at the price but, trust me, you will be getting value for money. I've also found the staff to be extremely friendly and helpful and you can learn a lot from them very quickly.
And I think that covers all the basics a trans girl needs to know. So let me just re-emphasise that, in my experience, there is no need to be nervous of approaching our high street shops and salons. Even if you're their very first trans customer (as I'm sure I have been on occasion), they're unlikely to turn away a lucrative source of income in these austere times. Instead, I hope you find - as I have found - that they welcome you with open arms and make you a regular. All you need is the confidence to step over your front step and through their front door.

Should I Transition?

I am writing this because I'm aware one of my friends is considering whether it's right for her to transition (i.e. to live full-time as a female).
As someone who has transitioned I know how difficult this decision can be.
In truth I was unsure right up until just a month or two ago - almost 18 months after I had transitioned! And for a good 6 months before I did transition I felt caught between a rock and a hard place.
I knew I felt unhappy having to pretend to be male. My gender dysphoria distracted me greatly at the most inconvenient of times and I seemed at times not to be able to escape the distress I felt. To be sure, this was one of the most unhappiest periods of my life and it often drove me to tears.
Naturally, I wanted to escape this pain and the only way that seemed possible was to transition from living as a male to living as a female but I feared the penalties of doing so.
I feared losing my job and my husband. If either of those two things happened I risked being homeless and in financial difficulties. I also knew that many transsexuals experienced what I feared first hand. That many transsexuals were forced to turn to sex work because of being unable to find other work. That some grew so desperately unhappy that they committed suicide. And I obviously knew of the transphobia that exists and how this can lead to trans people being attacked and murdered.
So, as I say, I felt caught between a rock and a hard place - whether to transition or not was no easy decision to make. So I can quite understand why other trans people seek help in making this decision.
In response to their predicament I will say that without selfishness and a devil-may-care attitude to failure I may never have transitioned.
Putting myself first helped me see that, no matter what anyone else thought, if I didn't make myself happy then I would surely make everyone else in my life unhappy as well as myself. Whereas if I made myself happy then I was guaranteed at least one winner and in a far better position to have a positive effect on everyone's life including my own.
And being able to ignore the risk of failure empowered me to step beyond fear and act with courage. Thus I became less concerned with a future that was yet to be decided and concentrate my efforts on the present. It is, after all, the present that decides the future and if the present is not as it should be then how can we hope the future to be?
So, make no mistake about it, transitioning is not for the faint of heart. In truth, I was desperate when I transitioned but without that desperation I may not have discovered the two qualities I mention above which helped make my transition a success.
But, as I said, until a month or two ago I was still unsure whether transitioning was the right decision to make.
What convinced me was the realisation that I would never exchange my gender expression for anything else. Any pain I am currently suffering would not even begin to compare to the pain I would feel having to pretend I was male again.
But I would never have realised that without first transitioning and achieving the peace of mind I have now. So it seems to me that you will never truly know whether transitioning is the right thing to do without having first transitioned.
That is not to say that I think you should transition. After all, every person - whether trans or not - is unique and thus everything we experience is unique to us. So, even though I provide a lengthy discourse above, I can never answer the question "Should I transition?" for anyone other than myself. I'm sorry if I mislead you otherwise.

A Responsible Voice

When parking your car you will often see a sign that states something along the lines of "The owners of this car park accept no responsibility for the car or it's belongings whilst it is parked in these premises".
I would like to echo that sentiment to anyone reading this blog:

As author of this blog, I do not accept responsibility for anyone or their actions that arise during or after reading this blog.

The reasons are thus:

1. I am not omnipresent, so I am therefore not responsible for what happens to you during or after reading my blog. 
2. Whether it be mine or someone elses, I am not responsible for whose opinion you happen to believe and thus not responsible for your actions during or after reading my blog. 

So it's no good holding my blog or the opinions expressed within it against me. You must take responsiblity for yourself.
Please do not blame me for having an opinion that disagrees with yours. After all, I hope you're reading this to improve your knowledge not reinforce your ignorance!
And it is through knowledge that we can all become stronger. So why not embrace those opportunities to learn from one another instead of moaning about having your prior knowledge challenged!
Ignorance is not bliss. If we went through the whole of our lives learning nothing, we would all quickly perish. So the more we know the better!
So it's no good taking shortcuts either. Do not seek out one opinion and claim that opinion represents others - even if that opinion claims to do just that!
For example, I can not judge all Roman Catholics by the opinion of The Pope even though he claims to be their representative. There are many different opinions and personalities that claim to be Roman Catholic and The Pope's is just one (albeit the one with most gravitas).
And the same applies to this blog:
Just because I am a trans woman, do not think my opinion - or my way of life - is in any way typical or representative of others.
Just because I have a civil partnership with a gay man do not think all trans women do.
Just because I am unemployed does not mean all trans women are.
Just because I came to realise my gender identity at 37 years of age do not think that is in any way typical. It is not!
To think otherwise would be like claiming that every car is red; ignoring the fact that they come in many other colours and that, even then, the colour can change over time according to it's environment and age.
So please do not assume that this blog is a trans voice or a LGBT voice or any other kind of voice other than mine and mine alone.
And, remember, I am responsible for expressing my voice but I am not responsible for when or how it is received.