Love: I allowed Mia a little time in bed with me this morning. Basically because I was too tired to shoo her away and I do miss cuddling up to her. I think we both enjoyed it.
Life: I met up with Jayne and Sarah today as I can't make it to Jayne's birthday party next weekend. We did a little bit of shopping on Bold Street and then had tea at Kasbah. The girls had Tagine de Fez and I had Couscous Royale. Then the girls had pancakes to follow, whilst I had baklava. It was a very enjoyable meal.
Career: I don't work at weekends and I want that to continue.
Saturday, 9 May 2015
8th May 2015
Love: I love this country, I love my friends, I love my family, I love the possibility of life. That is why I voted against - and encouraged all I knew to vote against - a Tory government. I failed in my goal and we now have a Tory majority government. But I also still have my friends, my family, and continue to be amazed - sometimes shocked - by the possibility of life. The only thing I'm uncertain about now is my country. I have no idea what will happen to my country but I hope my worst fears won't come true.
Life: I have never known a day like today. Even when Thatcher won her third term (my earliest memory of politics) I don't remember being surrounded by so much disbelief and sadness. I cannot fathom how England can seriously believe Ed Miliband was a worse prospect as Prime Minister than the man they blame for the recession; how they can vote for the effective euthanasia of so many in this country; how they can vote to hand over even more power to the rich, selfish and greedy and drive themselves into servitude in the process. Who do they seriously think will care for them, if they have so blatant disregard for themselves?!! Do they expect us socialists to do it when they have just voted away our power to do so effectively?!! It is just incomprehensible to me. And I fear we will never recover from such stupid, short-sighted, action as what happened on 7th May 2015.
Career: Last night I got about 3 hours sleep. So today, as well as being upset and in shock, I have been beyond tired! I went into work but, an hour later, I had to go home sick as my brain just could not think and my gut was doing cartwheels. Not a good day.
Life: I have never known a day like today. Even when Thatcher won her third term (my earliest memory of politics) I don't remember being surrounded by so much disbelief and sadness. I cannot fathom how England can seriously believe Ed Miliband was a worse prospect as Prime Minister than the man they blame for the recession; how they can vote for the effective euthanasia of so many in this country; how they can vote to hand over even more power to the rich, selfish and greedy and drive themselves into servitude in the process. Who do they seriously think will care for them, if they have so blatant disregard for themselves?!! Do they expect us socialists to do it when they have just voted away our power to do so effectively?!! It is just incomprehensible to me. And I fear we will never recover from such stupid, short-sighted, action as what happened on 7th May 2015.
Career: Last night I got about 3 hours sleep. So today, as well as being upset and in shock, I have been beyond tired! I went into work but, an hour later, I had to go home sick as my brain just could not think and my gut was doing cartwheels. Not a good day.
Thursday, 7 May 2015
7th May 2015
Love: I love writing (e.g. this blog!) and I've decided to pursue this love with a little more determination. So I'm looking at partaking of a Creative Writing course - probably in September now when the next academic year begins (timing was never my strong point!).
Life: Today is Election Day. My polling booth was conveniently in between my place of work and place of beautiful nails for which I had a 1pm appointment. So I popped in and did my civic duty enroute. I'm not ashamed to say I voted Labour and had my nails painted red in support. Then I went and got myself a tofu rice pot with omelette and hoped I wouldn't be left with egg on my face!
Career: Today, with a little help from Alison Clare, I've found the courage to go with my gut and make a firm decision... In January 2014, I started volunteering at (V)CAW to get me out the house and, in July, I took the job of Communications Assistant because it was a job I wanted, not because I needed the money. Remembering this, I have decided that, should my contract not be renewed in July (there's currently no funding for it), I'm not prepared to work for the sake of it. Instead, I will make the sacrifices required (of the financial kind, sadly, as much I'd like to sacrifice certain people!) to maintain my current position of doing the things that I want to do. I want to do things that mean something, not be a slave to luxury! (See "Love" above).
Life: Today is Election Day. My polling booth was conveniently in between my place of work and place of beautiful nails for which I had a 1pm appointment. So I popped in and did my civic duty enroute. I'm not ashamed to say I voted Labour and had my nails painted red in support. Then I went and got myself a tofu rice pot with omelette and hoped I wouldn't be left with egg on my face!
Career: Today, with a little help from Alison Clare, I've found the courage to go with my gut and make a firm decision... In January 2014, I started volunteering at (V)CAW to get me out the house and, in July, I took the job of Communications Assistant because it was a job I wanted, not because I needed the money. Remembering this, I have decided that, should my contract not be renewed in July (there's currently no funding for it), I'm not prepared to work for the sake of it. Instead, I will make the sacrifices required (of the financial kind, sadly, as much I'd like to sacrifice certain people!) to maintain my current position of doing the things that I want to do. I want to do things that mean something, not be a slave to luxury! (See "Love" above).
Wednesday, 6 May 2015
6th May 2015
Love: I love a cat called Mia. She varies between naughty, lofty, clingy, and heart meltingly adorable.
Life: Not getting to sleep until 1:30am this morning, I've been tired today. Being tired tends to make me want to sleep forever and today has been no exception. The afternoon was spent waiting for someone to come fix my roof. At 5pm I went out and looked and it still looked to be unfixed. So I phoned them up and they said someone came this morning and fixed it. I told them it still looked unfixed to me. So they're now sending a surveyor out on Monday to check the work. What's the odds on the work being done and me left with egg on my face!
Career: I'm scared and I don't know if I'm strong enough to face my fears. But I need to work out whether I'm going to try because it's not fair to get people to help me if I'm not.
Life: Not getting to sleep until 1:30am this morning, I've been tired today. Being tired tends to make me want to sleep forever and today has been no exception. The afternoon was spent waiting for someone to come fix my roof. At 5pm I went out and looked and it still looked to be unfixed. So I phoned them up and they said someone came this morning and fixed it. I told them it still looked unfixed to me. So they're now sending a surveyor out on Monday to check the work. What's the odds on the work being done and me left with egg on my face!
Career: I'm scared and I don't know if I'm strong enough to face my fears. But I need to work out whether I'm going to try because it's not fair to get people to help me if I'm not.
5th May 2015
Love: Today I had a change of thinking. I feel that it is too much to ask that I somehow get over losing John. I can't pretend I didn't have a 11+ year relationship with the most gorgeous and kind hearted of men, who made me feel so very special. That I haven't been changed by that relationship, how it ended and the effect the last 2 years have had on me. So instead of making myself 'fit for dating' (as I comprehended it to be), I'm going to put the responsibility on my suitor (whoever they may turn out to be) to love me as I am - the whole package. I feel it inside me that I can give my heart wholly to someone else and, surely, that will be all they require? And, should I not be lucky to find love again, then I have to accept that fate. That is the harder of the two options but I feel, with a bit of effort, perhaps I can do that as well.
Life: Today I went to see Rodriguez in concert in Manchester with Amanda. Amanda is one of a small number of people (most of which are in the Big Love Sista Choir) who always brings sunshine into my life. I love the fact our friendship works the more I'm myself and not trying to impress her. :) As for Rodriguez - he is a living legend but so humble with it! It's probably because he didn't get success until a few years ago (he's now 72) and so I imagine appreciates even more all the devotion and affection coming his way after all these years! The concert was excellent! I would very much like to see him again, if I'm lucky. :)
Career: Today's watchword was "anger". I work with the loveliest bunch of people but, for whatever reason, I was angry at work today and did well not to show it (I hope). Dunno what that's all about and hopefully it was just a blip.
Life: Today I went to see Rodriguez in concert in Manchester with Amanda. Amanda is one of a small number of people (most of which are in the Big Love Sista Choir) who always brings sunshine into my life. I love the fact our friendship works the more I'm myself and not trying to impress her. :) As for Rodriguez - he is a living legend but so humble with it! It's probably because he didn't get success until a few years ago (he's now 72) and so I imagine appreciates even more all the devotion and affection coming his way after all these years! The concert was excellent! I would very much like to see him again, if I'm lucky. :)
Career: Today's watchword was "anger". I work with the loveliest bunch of people but, for whatever reason, I was angry at work today and did well not to show it (I hope). Dunno what that's all about and hopefully it was just a blip.
Monday, 4 May 2015
May 4th 2015
Today I had a revelation. Of late I've been feeling tired and just want to sleep. I've been feeling exhausted and didn't know why. Recognising some of the symptoms, I reckoned I was fighting something but couldn't really put my finger on it.
Well, watching The C Word (starring Sheridan Smith) gave me my answer - I was fighting the truth.
I've been censoring myself for fear of what reaction it will bring. So my answer is to start blogging daily my thoughts on my life.
In doing so. I want to avoid the traps I've fallen into previously; of setting myself up as a sage or a hero or brave or any of that other shit that ends up doing my head in!
And I'm also going to try to be honest and not censor myself for fear of hurting anyone's feelings. After all, I am not anyone's nanny and we are all really responsible for our own feelings anyway!
I'm gonna start with three basic headings: Love, Life, Career - but it might be that I add and delete more as and when I see fit.
I'm also not promising it'll be the most interesting blog you'll ever read. In fact, it might be one of the most boring!
So...
Love: I fall between wanting to be in a relationship with someone, not being over John yet (will I ever be?!!), being confused by the fact that I now find myself fancying women for the first time in my life and not interested in men (I'm told hormones can fuck with your sexuality so I'm putting it down to that), and being scared of being broken hearted again. It's confusing and I get pulled all kinds of ways and it gets me down.
Life: I'm fighting depression again. It happens every May. Dunno why! If it were to happen any month, I'd have thought it'd be April but, no, it seems to be May that does my head in! There has been some joy this weekend, seeing friends, but, overall, I'm just getting through.
Career: Last month I was given official notice that funding has not been secured for my job so, come July, I could very well be unemployed again. So I'm job hunting again and, to be honest, it's a struggle to muster up much enthusiasm for it - despite the threat of imminent redundancy! I'm just so tired of the rug being pulled from under my feet! I feel like karma's really got it in for me - for fuck knows why! - and part of me just wants to give up now.
Addendum: There is a little more to the story of this 'reboot'... Yesterday, as we driving to Yorkshire Sculpture Park, Cath asked about my husband, John, and I responded that he'd died, to which she apologised. I then said "it was two years ago now, its fine" and she called me out on that which, I recognise now, was the beginning of the wake up call that The C Word provided the majority of. Plus credit also has to go to Michelle who responded to my outburst on Facebook this morning with "Preach" and now I am doing.
Addendum: There is a little more to the story of this 'reboot'... Yesterday, as we driving to Yorkshire Sculpture Park, Cath asked about my husband, John, and I responded that he'd died, to which she apologised. I then said "it was two years ago now, its fine" and she called me out on that which, I recognise now, was the beginning of the wake up call that The C Word provided the majority of. Plus credit also has to go to Michelle who responded to my outburst on Facebook this morning with "Preach" and now I am doing.
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Understanding
Last night I watched Louis Theroux's documentary, Transgender Kids, in which he asks a bunch of Trans kids - and a few adults - in the USA whether they're a boy or a girl, whether they're Transgender and what surgery they have/want. And that's it!
So no need to waste your time watching it - it won't give you any meaningful insight into the condition or the lives of us with it.
Which is a shame because we're well overdue one! The first known woman* to undergo "sex reassignment surgery" was back in 1931 and nearly 100 years later society is still obsessed by this one tiny aspect of Trans life and no closer to asking the right questions:
What is gender?
Why do we define gender based on anatomy?
Why do we resist allowing people to have autonomy over their gender? (And consequently their bodies)
You see, society goes about this all the wrong way. It should not be questioning Trans people. It should be questioning itself.
Until society understands why, millions of years since homosapiens emerged, it is still tribal - when all the evidence points to tribalism being the route cause of the vast majority of our problems - our evolution will be stunted.
There is no need to understand Trans people. There is a great need for society to understand itself.
*The asterisk is used to signify the infinite array of women existent in the universe.
So no need to waste your time watching it - it won't give you any meaningful insight into the condition or the lives of us with it.
Which is a shame because we're well overdue one! The first known woman* to undergo "sex reassignment surgery" was back in 1931 and nearly 100 years later society is still obsessed by this one tiny aspect of Trans life and no closer to asking the right questions:
What is gender?
Why do we define gender based on anatomy?
Why do we resist allowing people to have autonomy over their gender? (And consequently their bodies)
You see, society goes about this all the wrong way. It should not be questioning Trans people. It should be questioning itself.
Until society understands why, millions of years since homosapiens emerged, it is still tribal - when all the evidence points to tribalism being the route cause of the vast majority of our problems - our evolution will be stunted.
There is no need to understand Trans people. There is a great need for society to understand itself.
*The asterisk is used to signify the infinite array of women existent in the universe.
Sunday, 5 April 2015
2 Years And Counting...
2 years ago I became a widow when my husband, John, died at the hospice he'd spent almost 2 months in.
It was the final act of a horrific disease - idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis - that saw my husband slowly suffocate to death as his lungs slowly filled with fibrosis, letting less and less air into them, robbing him of his physical strength and dignity along the way.
He died two days before his 65th birthday - which means that forever more I will have to deal with the anniversary of his death just two days before remembering his birthday. It's not easy.
Nor is living without him. But time is a great healer... isn't it?
No, actually, it isn't. Time does not heal a broken heart!
So it's just as well I didn't sit around watching the clock, waiting to be healed, but took matters into my own hands, determined not to be a cliche widow; determined John's death wasn't going to claim two lives - although it was a very close call on a number of occasions.
None more so than when, a month after he died, I felt life truly had lost all its meaning and decided to drive off to Barton Bridge to end my misery.
I did not imagine then that I could be as happy as I am this morning! So thank heavens I didn't rule out that possibility! My life today truly is great!
So just how did I get from the worst of times to the best of times so quickly?!!
Well, I believe the journey actually started 3 years before John died.
At about the same time as John's illness was showing itself, I was transitioning.
No matter what you might read elsewhere, transitioning is an act of great courage and requires great fortitude (aka stubbornness) to withstand all the prejudice that surrounds gender, plus the emotional and physical changes that hormone therapy have on you.
I failed at my first attempt. It's not surprising considering what was going on in my life at that time but I expressed my anger and dismay in the worst possible way and I'm still paying the price.
However, the stubbornness I harnessed in transitioning from male to female was also put into service transitioning to widowhood.
But stubbornness isn't enough on its own. To be of any real use, it requires an effective plan to work on.
My plan was broad in its ambition - learn how to live without the man I love - but it acquired detail after reading Widows Wear Stilettos.
It was in those pages I found encouragement to express myself rather than bottle it all up. It was in those pages I found web addresses for support groups. It was in those pages that I learned about energy drainers and the importance of surrounding myself with positivity. It was in those pages that I found encouragement to put my happiness first before everything.
Being selfish didn't always give me instant gratification but it did make me popular by the very fact I distanced myself from those I wasn't popular with. Finding happiness is so much harder when people are encouraging you to be miserable!
I also moved in a literal sense - from Preston to Wallasey.
Sadly, that has meant seeing some people who meant so much to me - people, like Jayne W and Rachel L, who took personal responsibility for making sure I was OK in the immediate aftermath of John's death - less often than I would like.
But the upside is I'm now a homeowner who loves her job and the people she works with. I'm also a woman* who has found a warm welcome in Merseyside totally unlike that which I found in Preston and I'm now a woman* surrounded by love rather than loneliness.
Is it any wonder that, when I'm loved just the way I am, that I've now found my voice as a creative person!
A voice that first began to flourish right in the depths of my grief when I'd been on my way to commit suicide on Barton Bridge but ended up in Harrogate instead, being taught how to express myself through art journaling. A voice that grew louder when I learned to project it in song. A voice that gained strength when I realised it wasn't just my voice but the voice of a choir of women*. A voice that became determined when I learned just how important it was that others - particularly our little Sistas - heard it. And there is nothing more rewarding than being rewarded for giving voice to your truth!
But, as great and as helpful as all the above is, the biggest single influence on life continues to be John himself.
I would never have been able to transition in all the ways that I have without his love and support. And it is the thought of how upset he'd be if I threw everything back in his face that pushes me forward and won't allow me to quit.
However, the thing I find hardest to reconcile is that I'm the person I am and reaping the rewards I am because of John's influence but, yet, he's not here to see it.
Nor will he see what happens next...
Coming Soon: Claire actualises her sensuality as a woman*. Claire gets herself a girlfriend. And, not to be missed, Claire accepts without reservation that she is brave, inspiring and, above all, lovely! So stay tuned and don't touch that dial!
*The asterisk is used to signify the infinite array of women there are in the universe.
Sunday, 15 February 2015
Personally Speaking
Yesterday I travelled on the train to London to be with Big Love Sista and Big Love Little Sista at 1 Billion Rising.
The event was held to highlight the issue of rape and violence against women and children.
The day was awesome and one that I'm sure will still be affecting me even when I'm wrinkly!
On the bus home I noticed - probably because I've experienced life as both a man and a woman - the difference between socialising with men and socialising with women. Then wrote about it on Facebook this morning and went to have a shower.
Thankfully, no one had commented on it by the time I came back from my shower so I'm hoping what I wrote went unnoticed for, during the course of my shower, I realised I was comparing the best of women against the worst of men and that, if what I wrote was true, I would've been the only woman who thought yesterday was awesome (which I wasn't! Not by a long chalk!) and, furthermore, there would be no need for Big Love Sista, Big Love Little Sista or 1 Billion Rising!
Then I pondered upon something that we were instructed to do at Gather The Women: when you find yourself judging others, consider what that judgement says about yourself.
From which I concluded that the main point of my conclusion from yesterday was about the embracement of love: that I need and respond to love and when I'm denied it, I suffer. That love is not a weakness but a power and nothing empowers me like love empowers me. It was love that got me through the final years of John's life and it's love that gets me through grief and widowhood. It's love that makes the days sparkle and it's the giving and sharing of love that makes me feel like I'm dancing on air!
Whilst I'm on the subject of love, let me mention the Sting song, If You Love Somebody Set Them Free.
I believe it is true that, if I love somebody, the greatest gift I can give them is to set them free - free of expectation, free to be themselves.
However, Sting did not sing If You Love Somebody Else Set Them Free!
Possibly because this truth is personal as well. If I love myself, then the greatest gift I can give myself is to set myself free of expectation; allow myself the freedom to be myself!
Too often I have beat myself up over standards I have set myself. But I am not perfection personified! I am not lovely! I am not horrible! I am not anything but a human called Claire! Why do I deny myself the mercy to be just that?!!
So it was from looking at myself that I was able to reach these truths - personal truths that are perhaps applicable universally.
And that is what I think perhaps Simon Armitage was driving at when Amanda and I saw him read some of his poems at The Everyman on Thursday.
He said something along the lines of that when you try to write universally, it can often miss the mark; but when you write about the personal things, it can perhaps mean something universally.
After all, I do not live in anyone else's body, living their experiences, drawing conclusions for them!
But that does not mean that my personal experiences mean nothing to them.
For example, I can state that transitioning was one of the best things I've ever done in my life and, perhaps, someone would draw inspiration from that but it would be an utter fallacy to say that transitioning is one of the best things any Trans person can ever do! It might be an absolute disaster!
Despite this, though, the universal experience does seem to be expected of minorities!
For example, one of the performers at 1 Billion Rising yesterday, was a muslim comedian and she related to us how people would often expect her to speak on behalf of "Your lot"! Even though 'her lot' would often wish she'd "just shut the fuck up"!
I have experienced this myself as a Trans woman. People often throw "You Trans people" or "So Trans people, then, are they..." into a sentence when speaking to me, as though we could only ever have one universal experience!
It's a trap I fall into myself - even when I try to quantify it by saying "most Trans people".
Why do I not have the confidence to simply speak about myself, rather than trying to add credence to it by saying it is the experience of "most Trans people"?
At what point do you or I decide enough people are suffering before we will act in response to it?!!
You and I do not need permission from anyone else to care!
So why can we not keep it personal?
Ode To A Paper Cup
I saw you at a children's party communicating to your sibling via a length of string
I saw you at a business meeting full of warming liquid (I hasten to say tea) that warmed my insides
I saw you discarded outside McDonald's with drops of cola dribbling out of you like blood onto the pavement
I saw you at the feet of a homeless guy, acting as a receptacle for pity from passing strangers
And I saw you disappear when he needed a piss!
Then reappear amongst your brethren on the tip, trying to hide from the hungry seagulls
Oh, paper cup, you've had a life!
The event was held to highlight the issue of rape and violence against women and children.
The day was awesome and one that I'm sure will still be affecting me even when I'm wrinkly!
On the bus home I noticed - probably because I've experienced life as both a man and a woman - the difference between socialising with men and socialising with women. Then wrote about it on Facebook this morning and went to have a shower.
Thankfully, no one had commented on it by the time I came back from my shower so I'm hoping what I wrote went unnoticed for, during the course of my shower, I realised I was comparing the best of women against the worst of men and that, if what I wrote was true, I would've been the only woman who thought yesterday was awesome (which I wasn't! Not by a long chalk!) and, furthermore, there would be no need for Big Love Sista, Big Love Little Sista or 1 Billion Rising!
Then I pondered upon something that we were instructed to do at Gather The Women: when you find yourself judging others, consider what that judgement says about yourself.
From which I concluded that the main point of my conclusion from yesterday was about the embracement of love: that I need and respond to love and when I'm denied it, I suffer. That love is not a weakness but a power and nothing empowers me like love empowers me. It was love that got me through the final years of John's life and it's love that gets me through grief and widowhood. It's love that makes the days sparkle and it's the giving and sharing of love that makes me feel like I'm dancing on air!
Whilst I'm on the subject of love, let me mention the Sting song, If You Love Somebody Set Them Free.
I believe it is true that, if I love somebody, the greatest gift I can give them is to set them free - free of expectation, free to be themselves.
However, Sting did not sing If You Love Somebody Else Set Them Free!
Possibly because this truth is personal as well. If I love myself, then the greatest gift I can give myself is to set myself free of expectation; allow myself the freedom to be myself!
Too often I have beat myself up over standards I have set myself. But I am not perfection personified! I am not lovely! I am not horrible! I am not anything but a human called Claire! Why do I deny myself the mercy to be just that?!!
So it was from looking at myself that I was able to reach these truths - personal truths that are perhaps applicable universally.
And that is what I think perhaps Simon Armitage was driving at when Amanda and I saw him read some of his poems at The Everyman on Thursday.
He said something along the lines of that when you try to write universally, it can often miss the mark; but when you write about the personal things, it can perhaps mean something universally.
After all, I do not live in anyone else's body, living their experiences, drawing conclusions for them!
But that does not mean that my personal experiences mean nothing to them.
For example, I can state that transitioning was one of the best things I've ever done in my life and, perhaps, someone would draw inspiration from that but it would be an utter fallacy to say that transitioning is one of the best things any Trans person can ever do! It might be an absolute disaster!
Despite this, though, the universal experience does seem to be expected of minorities!
For example, one of the performers at 1 Billion Rising yesterday, was a muslim comedian and she related to us how people would often expect her to speak on behalf of "Your lot"! Even though 'her lot' would often wish she'd "just shut the fuck up"!
I have experienced this myself as a Trans woman. People often throw "You Trans people" or "So Trans people, then, are they..." into a sentence when speaking to me, as though we could only ever have one universal experience!
It's a trap I fall into myself - even when I try to quantify it by saying "most Trans people".
Why do I not have the confidence to simply speak about myself, rather than trying to add credence to it by saying it is the experience of "most Trans people"?
At what point do you or I decide enough people are suffering before we will act in response to it?!!
You and I do not need permission from anyone else to care!
So why can we not keep it personal?
Ode To A Paper Cup
I saw you at a children's party communicating to your sibling via a length of string
I saw you at a business meeting full of warming liquid (I hasten to say tea) that warmed my insides
I saw you discarded outside McDonald's with drops of cola dribbling out of you like blood onto the pavement
I saw you at the feet of a homeless guy, acting as a receptacle for pity from passing strangers
And I saw you disappear when he needed a piss!
Then reappear amongst your brethren on the tip, trying to hide from the hungry seagulls
Oh, paper cup, you've had a life!
Wednesday, 7 January 2015
A Dying Wish
I've resisted blogging about the suicide of Leelah because I didn't want to jump on the bandwagon or appear to be saying "I told you so" but here I am blogging about the suicide of Leelah...
When I read Leelah's suicide note, the thought that overwhelmed my mind was "oh, darling, if only you'd known! You weren't alone! There's millions of us out here just like you; been through much the same kind of shit too!".
Then, in reflection, I compared our parents - I was lucky. My parents didn't put their beliefs before me so, even though it seemed impossibly hard at times, when I did finally tell them I was Trans they didn't try to 'cure' me or isolate and abuse me but told me "no matter what, you will always be our child".
And I say I'm lucky because I know my parents' response is not the standard one. Many Trans people are not as lucky as me. Perhaps they're not as extreme as Leelah's parents but, sadly, rejection is far too common the response than unconditional love.
And then, of course, Leelah was right - society is fucked up! But some of us are trying to fix it - have been trying to fix it for years - but, sadly, some of us aren't and some even go along with a society they know is fucked up all in the name of a "quiet life"... and then there are those who deliberately try to stop us fixing it. They like things just the way they are! Children killing themselves is just fine and dandy by them! Heaven forfend people should be judged by their character rather than their gender identity!
So society isn't fixed yet and Leelah, and thousands like her, die as a result.
So society has blood on it's hands and, just like Mrs Macbeth, we can't wash it off no matter how we try.
So some of us ignore it and, when they can't ignore it, they distract themselves with shiny things that dazzle them but do absolutely nothing to fulfil Leelah's dying wish:
"Fix society. Please."
#Leelah #FixSociety
When I read Leelah's suicide note, the thought that overwhelmed my mind was "oh, darling, if only you'd known! You weren't alone! There's millions of us out here just like you; been through much the same kind of shit too!".
Then, in reflection, I compared our parents - I was lucky. My parents didn't put their beliefs before me so, even though it seemed impossibly hard at times, when I did finally tell them I was Trans they didn't try to 'cure' me or isolate and abuse me but told me "no matter what, you will always be our child".
And I say I'm lucky because I know my parents' response is not the standard one. Many Trans people are not as lucky as me. Perhaps they're not as extreme as Leelah's parents but, sadly, rejection is far too common the response than unconditional love.
And then, of course, Leelah was right - society is fucked up! But some of us are trying to fix it - have been trying to fix it for years - but, sadly, some of us aren't and some even go along with a society they know is fucked up all in the name of a "quiet life"... and then there are those who deliberately try to stop us fixing it. They like things just the way they are! Children killing themselves is just fine and dandy by them! Heaven forfend people should be judged by their character rather than their gender identity!
So society isn't fixed yet and Leelah, and thousands like her, die as a result.
So society has blood on it's hands and, just like Mrs Macbeth, we can't wash it off no matter how we try.
So some of us ignore it and, when they can't ignore it, they distract themselves with shiny things that dazzle them but do absolutely nothing to fulfil Leelah's dying wish:
"Fix society. Please."
#Leelah #FixSociety
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