Wednesday, 6 May 2015

5th May 2015

Love: Today I had a change of thinking. I feel that it is too much to ask that I somehow get over losing John. I can't pretend I didn't have a 11+ year relationship with the most gorgeous and kind hearted of men, who made me feel so very special. That I haven't been changed by that relationship, how it ended and the effect the last 2 years have had on me. So instead of making myself 'fit for dating' (as I comprehended it to be), I'm going to put the responsibility on my suitor (whoever they may turn out to be) to love me as I am - the whole package. I feel it inside me that I can give my heart wholly to someone else and, surely, that will be all they require? And, should I not be lucky to find love again, then I have to accept that fate. That is the harder of the two options but I feel, with a bit of effort, perhaps I can do that as well.
Life: Today I went to see Rodriguez in concert in Manchester with Amanda. Amanda is one of a small number of people (most of which are in the Big Love Sista Choir) who always brings sunshine into my life. I love the fact our friendship works the more I'm myself and not trying to impress her. :) As for Rodriguez - he is a living legend but so humble with it! It's probably because he didn't get success until a few years ago (he's now 72) and so I imagine appreciates even more all the devotion and affection coming his way after all these years! The concert was excellent! I would very much like to see him again, if I'm lucky. :)
Career: Today's watchword was "anger". I work with the loveliest bunch of people but, for whatever reason, I was angry at work today and did well not to show it (I hope). Dunno what that's all about and hopefully it was just a blip.