Mia: today is Mia's favourite day of the week - not! - when I give her ears and eyes a wipe. She's usually pretty patient with me but she hates it! Today was no exception! This evening, just like last night, she fell asleep at my feet. She's quite clingy in her own way and I love her for it! :)
Life: today I have done two illustration commissions - both unpaid but I see it as being more important to get my work out there and noticed than get paid for it at the moment. One was a photomontage and the other computer graphics. I have also watched a fair amount of catch-up telly today but have come to bed because I was tired. I'm not sleeping very well at the moment - my brain keeps waking up with stupid thoughts! :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is having my photomontage described as brilliant! :) I wasn't sure the client would like it so it was great that they did! :)
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Saturday, 30 January 2016
30th January 2016
Mia: not really seen much of Mia today as I left home just after 9am and she curled up to sleep pretty soon after I got home again.
Life: I got into Liverpool to buy material for the huge collage I'm going to do (using one of my giant abstract canvases as a backdrop). I've decided I'm gonna create art that I'd want on my wall and this is gonna be one of them. Then I went to heArt School where we were learning sculpture today with a lady called Ember Vincent, whose work is brilliant! :) I thoroughly enjoyed working with the clay and was so proud of the fairy god I created in commemoration of John. :) I loved it so much I bought some clay off Ember to do some more! (Guess what people are getting for pressies this year! Lol!) :) After that a bunch of us went for a drink (a pretty bland mocha in my case) and then I came home. This evening I have watched some catch-up telly but then began to beat myself up about my lack of courage where my love life is concerned. It's difficult to get out of that frame of mind because, even when I'm telling myself not to do it, I'm beating myself up about beating myself up! :( So, to give credit where it's due, I'm not a coward because I have opened my heart to love again when, in the months after John died, I was convinced I wouldn't!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is going to heArt School and creating a piece of sculpture that I really love and, in its own way, is a fitting tribute to my love for John. :) My art is so much better when it comes from the heart! :)
Life: I got into Liverpool to buy material for the huge collage I'm going to do (using one of my giant abstract canvases as a backdrop). I've decided I'm gonna create art that I'd want on my wall and this is gonna be one of them. Then I went to heArt School where we were learning sculpture today with a lady called Ember Vincent, whose work is brilliant! :) I thoroughly enjoyed working with the clay and was so proud of the fairy god I created in commemoration of John. :) I loved it so much I bought some clay off Ember to do some more! (Guess what people are getting for pressies this year! Lol!) :) After that a bunch of us went for a drink (a pretty bland mocha in my case) and then I came home. This evening I have watched some catch-up telly but then began to beat myself up about my lack of courage where my love life is concerned. It's difficult to get out of that frame of mind because, even when I'm telling myself not to do it, I'm beating myself up about beating myself up! :( So, to give credit where it's due, I'm not a coward because I have opened my heart to love again when, in the months after John died, I was convinced I wouldn't!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is going to heArt School and creating a piece of sculpture that I really love and, in its own way, is a fitting tribute to my love for John. :) My art is so much better when it comes from the heart! :)
Friday, 29 January 2016
29th January 2016
Mia: so Mia managed to open my bedroom door this morning despite there being heavy books to prevent her! I think she may've been extra determined to do so because in the night the wind had blown the kitchen door shut, meaning she couldn't get out to go to the toilet! Thankfully, she didn't poop on the carpet like she has done previously!
College: this morning I did a bit of research for contextual studies. This afternoon I worked on my repeat pattern some more. I'm also really happy that I can have a relaxed weekend with no need to work on any college stuff (like that will stop me!).
Life: I watched BBC iPlayer this evening and then came to bed.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is being on top of college work to the extent I can leave it to Monday without having to do anything. Roll on the weekend! :)
College: this morning I did a bit of research for contextual studies. This afternoon I worked on my repeat pattern some more. I'm also really happy that I can have a relaxed weekend with no need to work on any college stuff (like that will stop me!).
Life: I watched BBC iPlayer this evening and then came to bed.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is being on top of college work to the extent I can leave it to Monday without having to do anything. Roll on the weekend! :)
Thursday, 28 January 2016
28th January 2016
Mia: lovely day spent with Mia (off and on). She's such a sweetheart! :)
Life: today was haircut day but, instead of my usual cut, for some reason my hairdresser did a weird one on me! I wanted to exclaim "what the fuck have you done to my hair!" but instead I pretended I liked it and paid her in case I offended her feelings - as is the British way! Thankfully, it didn't look too bad when I brushed it out but it was a big disappointment as I'd been looking forward to having it done as she's usually an excellent hairdresser! :( After that, I went and did the food shopping before coming home to a late lunch - which is probably why I wasn't hungry at tea time. This evening I've done nothing but watch Amazon.
College: this morning I wrote a bit for college and did some more repeat patterns. This afternoon I did a bit of contextual studies and a brain map for my final essay. I'm struggling to think of a topic I can do just 500 words on - my ideas so far are so broad I could write a book on them! Hopefully, something will come together soon enough.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is the email I got from my graphics tutor. He was lovely, pointing me to an art collective who's sole purpose is to spread happiness and offering to have a meeting with the other graphics tutors to look at whether there's anything they can do about my funding situation (I doubt it but it's lovely of him to offer). :)
Life: today was haircut day but, instead of my usual cut, for some reason my hairdresser did a weird one on me! I wanted to exclaim "what the fuck have you done to my hair!" but instead I pretended I liked it and paid her in case I offended her feelings - as is the British way! Thankfully, it didn't look too bad when I brushed it out but it was a big disappointment as I'd been looking forward to having it done as she's usually an excellent hairdresser! :( After that, I went and did the food shopping before coming home to a late lunch - which is probably why I wasn't hungry at tea time. This evening I've done nothing but watch Amazon.
College: this morning I wrote a bit for college and did some more repeat patterns. This afternoon I did a bit of contextual studies and a brain map for my final essay. I'm struggling to think of a topic I can do just 500 words on - my ideas so far are so broad I could write a book on them! Hopefully, something will come together soon enough.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is the email I got from my graphics tutor. He was lovely, pointing me to an art collective who's sole purpose is to spread happiness and offering to have a meeting with the other graphics tutors to look at whether there's anything they can do about my funding situation (I doubt it but it's lovely of him to offer). :)
Wednesday, 27 January 2016
27th January 2016
Mia: I treated Mia to some leftover salmon this evening. I dunno whether because it was smoked or whether she's just not keen on salmon, but she was very reluctant to try it and, when she did, she still only ate a couple of mouthfuls before leaving it. I shan't bother in future!
College: I arrived at college just before 8am, had my free breakfast, signed the register and then started on my graphics work. Our lecturer had said we could use one of the graphics rooms, so I parked myself in there all day - except for a couple of hours wasted at Contextual Studies! - and it was a jolly good decision because I got to overhear what our lecturer was teaching the other students and learn stuff. :) At the end of the day, he praised me for all my hard work which gave me a confidence boost and cheered me up. However, having a HND, I couldn't help feel the praise was undeserved so I emailed him this evening to explain my situation. I also reflected this evening that, although I started the course with the singular ambition to get a Degree, what I really want is the education - to learn how to develop my skills. Which is why I'm so disappointed that I'm not gonna get funding for the FDe. As I understand it from my course tutor, the BA (Hons) top-up is all self-directed and I'm really in no position to do that in the specialisms I'm interested in! So I'm half-minded to see if I have enough money in the bank to pay for the FDe myself - or at least do one year of it! Or maybe I should look around and see if anyone else teaches illustration and collage?? (Obviously, it would be without the FDe/BA qualification) It fucking pisses me off that I who've not had a single penny out of Student Finance am being punished in this way! I could understand it if they'd already given me the money for my HND but they didn't! It's just fucking money pinching - on money I'd owe them! What have they seriously got to lose?!!
Life: having almost finished my current project almost a week early, this evening I just chilled and watched Amazon Prime before coming to bed.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is getting a free education of sorts, overhearing what my lecturer was telling the other students. As they're only 1st years on the FDe - and it was all new to me (who's technically more educated than them) - it further illustrated why I'd be a fish out of water jumping onto the BA in September. It just can't happen. Simple as. I'm just gonna have to back myself out of this corner as gracefully as I can.
Tuesday, 26 January 2016
26th January 2016
Mia: this morning Mia proved that she could be a Sniffer Cat when she sniffed out the sausage rolls in my bag within a minute flat! This evening we played with her ribbon again. She loves that ribbon! Such a delight to see her so happy! :)
College: this afternoon, on the instruction of my tutor, I emailed the head of graphics to ask for an interview for the 1 year BA (Hons) top-up. I'm not really sure why I'm bothering as it depends entirely on me getting funding that I'm pretty convinced I won't get! Plus I'm not really sure I have it within me to do it! But I do want that degree - even though I'm not really sure why! So stupid! I should just ditch it and move on with my life! At today's graphics lesson, we got started on doing our repeat patterns on the computers. I showed him what I'd done last week, pretty sure I'd be told I hadn't done enough, when he went quiet on me. Then he said he was stunned that I'd done so much work! I think it was another reminder that I need to believe in myself more. It's probably my biggest downfall where art and design is concerned. Nearly everyone I show my work to says it's brilliant but I never believe that they know what they're talking about! :(
Life: this evening choir started again after the Christmas break. Our usual choir mistress is off at the moment, having given birth at New Year. So we had her stand-in this evening. She seems pleasant enough but I definitely prefer Hayli (our usual one). It was great to be back at choir though and have some of that magic back in my life! :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is my tutor's stunned silence on seeing my work. I've never had that effect on anyone ever! I can only hope it bodes well for my future.
College: this afternoon, on the instruction of my tutor, I emailed the head of graphics to ask for an interview for the 1 year BA (Hons) top-up. I'm not really sure why I'm bothering as it depends entirely on me getting funding that I'm pretty convinced I won't get! Plus I'm not really sure I have it within me to do it! But I do want that degree - even though I'm not really sure why! So stupid! I should just ditch it and move on with my life! At today's graphics lesson, we got started on doing our repeat patterns on the computers. I showed him what I'd done last week, pretty sure I'd be told I hadn't done enough, when he went quiet on me. Then he said he was stunned that I'd done so much work! I think it was another reminder that I need to believe in myself more. It's probably my biggest downfall where art and design is concerned. Nearly everyone I show my work to says it's brilliant but I never believe that they know what they're talking about! :(
Life: this evening choir started again after the Christmas break. Our usual choir mistress is off at the moment, having given birth at New Year. So we had her stand-in this evening. She seems pleasant enough but I definitely prefer Hayli (our usual one). It was great to be back at choir though and have some of that magic back in my life! :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is my tutor's stunned silence on seeing my work. I've never had that effect on anyone ever! I can only hope it bodes well for my future.
Monday, 25 January 2016
25th January 2016
Mia: Caught Mia dreaming this evening. Her back leg was going like the clappers! Probably dreaming of chasing pigeons or squirrels across open fields somewhere! :)
College: although today was a day off, I went in this morning to do the stuff that I wanted to do Friday but couldn't because the network was down. Then this afternoon, I sorted out my research and this evening did more geometric patterns. I've found doodling the patterns quite therapeutic. :)
Life: from college, I went into Liverpool and caught bus to Birkenhead to buy myself a hat from the market (where I've bought my last 3 hats). I'm glad I bought that student bus pass, it's really opened up my travel options for me. Instead of driving places, I can catch the bus and sit and admire the view - much more relaxing! :)
One Thing: it's gonna be time with Mia again. I love her to pieces! She has made such a difference to my life, it's hard to fathom what life was like before and how on earth I'll cope without her!
College: although today was a day off, I went in this morning to do the stuff that I wanted to do Friday but couldn't because the network was down. Then this afternoon, I sorted out my research and this evening did more geometric patterns. I've found doodling the patterns quite therapeutic. :)
Life: from college, I went into Liverpool and caught bus to Birkenhead to buy myself a hat from the market (where I've bought my last 3 hats). I'm glad I bought that student bus pass, it's really opened up my travel options for me. Instead of driving places, I can catch the bus and sit and admire the view - much more relaxing! :)
One Thing: it's gonna be time with Mia again. I love her to pieces! She has made such a difference to my life, it's hard to fathom what life was like before and how on earth I'll cope without her!
Sunday, 24 January 2016
24th January 2016
Mia: Mia is definitely taking herself off somewhere else for tea these days. She didn't even hang around this evening; just went! She has also lost her collar. I'm not minded to get another one as she's chipped and she obviously lost it cos it got caught somewhere and the thought of her being strangled by her collar is enough to make me not want to replace it.
Life: this morning I went and did the food shopping. When I got home I had lunch and then did the laundry. This evening I have watched a Danny Kaye film and a couple of episodes of Mozart In The Jungle on Amazon.
College: I found a website today that prints off graph paper. So I spent a few hours doodling geometric patterns on it - one I even rather like! I still get downhearted when I think about my degree though. It seems like I'm wasting my time but I've paid the money for my course so I may as well stick with it. I hope no one tests my patience though because my will power is low. :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is playing with Mia just before I came to bed. Seeing her rolling over, enjoying herself is a delight! :) However, I'm still amused by the fact that I've spent a load of money on toys she couldn't care less about and her favourite things are wool and ribbon which cost me pennies! :)
Life: this morning I went and did the food shopping. When I got home I had lunch and then did the laundry. This evening I have watched a Danny Kaye film and a couple of episodes of Mozart In The Jungle on Amazon.
College: I found a website today that prints off graph paper. So I spent a few hours doodling geometric patterns on it - one I even rather like! I still get downhearted when I think about my degree though. It seems like I'm wasting my time but I've paid the money for my course so I may as well stick with it. I hope no one tests my patience though because my will power is low. :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is playing with Mia just before I came to bed. Seeing her rolling over, enjoying herself is a delight! :) However, I'm still amused by the fact that I've spent a load of money on toys she couldn't care less about and her favourite things are wool and ribbon which cost me pennies! :)
Saturday, 23 January 2016
23rd January 2016
Mia: despite one shoe to stop it swinging and another to stop it sliding, Mia has worked out how to open my bedroom door. So there goes my lie ins! Sometimes she's a little more intelligent than I'd like!
College: I have spent most of the day doing college work. It was only doodling geometric patterns for the most part, so I found it fairly relaxing really. I also did another drawing of my hand, which was also not terribly taxing. I don't mind college work when it's as relaxing as this! :)
Life: I've been dwelling on the fact that it's almost 3 years since John died today. It's true that it gets harder the longer time goes on - not so much the day to day stuff (that was the first year, when that was bad), but the missing him and longing for time to stand still. :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is cuddling Mia in bed. There are benefits to her getting into my bedroom! It's not all bad! :)
College: I have spent most of the day doing college work. It was only doodling geometric patterns for the most part, so I found it fairly relaxing really. I also did another drawing of my hand, which was also not terribly taxing. I don't mind college work when it's as relaxing as this! :)
Life: I've been dwelling on the fact that it's almost 3 years since John died today. It's true that it gets harder the longer time goes on - not so much the day to day stuff (that was the first year, when that was bad), but the missing him and longing for time to stand still. :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is cuddling Mia in bed. There are benefits to her getting into my bedroom! It's not all bad! :)
Friday, 22 January 2016
22nd January 2016
Mia: I still haven't managed to untangle a lump of Mia's fur and she's getting fed up of me trying! But she's a lot more trusting than she used to be. There's no way she would've let me make half a dozen comb throughs a year ago!
Life: today I was tempted to stay warm and snuggly in my bed but, no, I went to college only to sign the register and bugger off to the library! It's quite ridiculous! We have to turn up to every lesson to sign the register and then go and do our own thing! Heaven knows why we can't just sign the register at the beginning of the day and get on with it instead of having to keep interrupting our work flow just to sign a register and bugger off again! It's not like any of us are kids any more! I also asked whether we could phone in to say we were working from home but, no, that's not allowed either. Then, this afternoon, the computer network went down and I wasted 90 mins trying to get back into it before deciding I'd had enough and went home! When I got home, I did some more drawings of my hands and researched some designers I'm interested in. Over the weekend, I intend to start my design and, on Monday, go into college to sort out the stuff I wanted to do today!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is being amongst friends like Liz and Patricia. Having friends is a luxury I continue to appreciate. :)
Life: today I was tempted to stay warm and snuggly in my bed but, no, I went to college only to sign the register and bugger off to the library! It's quite ridiculous! We have to turn up to every lesson to sign the register and then go and do our own thing! Heaven knows why we can't just sign the register at the beginning of the day and get on with it instead of having to keep interrupting our work flow just to sign a register and bugger off again! It's not like any of us are kids any more! I also asked whether we could phone in to say we were working from home but, no, that's not allowed either. Then, this afternoon, the computer network went down and I wasted 90 mins trying to get back into it before deciding I'd had enough and went home! When I got home, I did some more drawings of my hands and researched some designers I'm interested in. Over the weekend, I intend to start my design and, on Monday, go into college to sort out the stuff I wanted to do today!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is being amongst friends like Liz and Patricia. Having friends is a luxury I continue to appreciate. :)
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