Thursday, 25 June 2015

25th June 2015

Love: I can't fight this feeling! :)
Life: This afternoon I was tempted to go for a cycle ride but was worried I would get sunburn and, besides, I had things to do at home and places to be, so I didn't. Maybe tomorrow? This evening I went to Gather The Women. The theme this month was 'Your Inner Voice'. It was interesting and by the end I was reflecting on the journey I'd made in recent years to be OK with my inner voice and accept it for what it is, rather than have an inner voice that brought me very very close to self-destruction. I've also been noticing in recent days how things seem to be adding up and making sense; that what previously seemed terrible I now see as potentially wonderful! :) All that is changed is my attitude. I've also been thinking about loss differently. There is no doubt that the lowest point in my life was John's death. But what it showed me is that nothing is forever. So there's no point trying to fight the inevitability of change and things coming to an end. On one hand, this is great! If I'm going through a really shitty time, then what I should bear in mind is that shitty time will come to an end and things will improve again. That was proven just this last month when May was a really difficult time for me but, looking back, what made it easier than previous times is the knowledge that May is always a difficult time for me (I don't fully understand why but it is!) and May is only but one month in 12! However, on the downside, is that when you really really want something to last forever - like being with John - it is incredibly painful when it comes to an end but, again, what made the loss easier, I think, is that a few days before he died I'd accepted defeat and that I was going to lose him. Certainly, I hate to think how much worse it would've been if I'd still been fighting the inevitable! So, yet again, I'm learning/realising that attitude plays a huge part in the life you have.
Career: Another morning at work: Nice chats with people. Nice work. Nice cups of tea. What's not to like? :)