Saturday, 28 November 2015

28th November 2015

At the moment my life doesn't involve much more than college. In that regard, it's got boring. So I'd rather talk about stuff that does interest me...
Love: I'm not even really looking anymore. I think I'm a hopeless case. Who wants to be with a Trans widow with disabilities anyway? And no ones even remotely called me sexy since John died. And I'm not sure I want or can afford a relationship whilst I'm at college anyway. Just as well I have Mia then. She gives me all the cuddles I need! :)
Life: this weekend Big Love My Brother was launched. Even though it's a wild, wer and windy day I still couldn't help being envious. My life used to be exciting like that once too and now I've given it all up for college in hopes of a degree that I can't really afford. It makes me wonder whether I'm doing the right thing but I also can see that I'm not as depressed or suicidal as I once was. My mind has other things to think about. Of course, my anxiety plagues me - not giving me a moment to relax - but the upside of that is that it drives me on to achieve. So that's another bonus - I now have something to achieve: getting a degree.
One Thing: the one thing I'm most proud of in my life is not killing myself. I've been tempted many times but have always found a way past it. May that continue.