Wednesday, 16 September 2015

16th September 2015

Love: today has been a difficult day so it was lovely that Mia came and cuddled me a few times. The world seems a much nicer place when we're cuddling.
Life: I woke up this morning at 4am with cramp in my leg. This quickly followed with dizziness and nausea and I didn't get back to sleep afterwards. :( After breakfast, I finished off the large canvas I started for Viva la Vulva. It is called 'Breaking Free' and I'm very satisfied with it. :) After lunch, I suddenly got very morbid and just had to get out of the house before I did something stupid to myself! So I did my usual and went for a drive until the feeling had passed. Today I made it to the Westmorland Farm Shop in Cumbria where I had coffee and cake and also bought a lump of vintage cheddar from the farm shop, which I had on crackers for supper when I got home. It was very tasty cheddar! :)
Career: as I wasn't feeling my best, I had today off. However, during my drive I had time for reflection and concluded that I need to get myself a paid for job for my sanity if nothing else!
One Thing: The one thing that has made today a day worth living is going for the 150+ mile drive to Cumbria and back. For a start it stopped me doing something I wouldn't be able to regret afterwards. Plus it also gave me an opportunity to get my head straight and think things through. I wondered whether I needed more grief counselling because I'm not sure I'm handling it that well. But then I thought well, maybe going for a drive is my way of handling it! Just cos it's unconventional doesn't mean it's wrong! I dunno. I'll have to dwell on that a bit more I think. I also considered what had lead to this latest crisis and I reckoned it was because I'm spending so much time in the house. I thought maybe I was OK to spend time at home now - I'm certainly better than I was 2 years ago! And I can relax there a lot easier than before it was redecorated! But maybe only being at work 9 hours a week is too little. I think, for reasons of my sanity, I may need to get a job that takes me away from home for more of the time - plus the money won't hurt, obviously! In addition to all that, I got some very tasty cheese! Plus was able to conclude that I really do need my car still and I'm not yet ready to commit 100% to public transport. So, all in all, my moment of crisis has had a good result. :)