Monday, 21 September 2015

21st September 2015

Love: As I was walking home from work, I caught myself badmouthing myself. It brought me back to an exercise we did at the Big Love Sista boudoir but instead of following the exercise, I had another thought: "I hate myself". I also recognised that I've been running from that thought for a long time - and it's probably contributed to my exhaustion - but, actually, I believe I need to face it and start to rebuild myself from a place of truth and the truth is I hate myself. (And I would add "and I want to die" if it wasn't such a damn cliche!).
Life: this afternoon I popped into B&Q for patio furniture and plants. All the patio furniture had gone (people will have to sit on the ground at the weekend) but I did buy a load more bedding plants (and planted them when I got home). Then I carried onto Tesco and did the weekly food shop (great thing about being part-time volunteer - you can shop whenever you want to and avoid the crowds!) and booked myself in for this year's flu jab on Thursday. After bringing that lot home, I did tea and I don't honestly know what I've done rest of evening!
Career: back to work today. I'm not sure how long I shall maintain this. I feel like I'm wasting my talents. It's making me consider going and getting the degree I never got in 1999!
One Thing: the one thing I'm going to choose today is planting the plants this afternoon. It was exhausting work (I am so out of shape!) but really satisfying! I can't wait to see them grow in spring time! :)